


Spots and Silver

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [13]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Madara has some cat characteristics, Mostly Fluff, Tobirama is a kid magnet, Uchihas have youkai blood, but not entirely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-06-22 18:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Hashirama has another option to make peace in this version. He takes it, much to Madara's and Tobirama's chagrin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when the author reads too many stories and the muse is awake at ass AM.  
> Not edited. Feel free to point out any weird typos.

“If you truly mean it, kill your brother.”

Everyone goes still and tense on both sides at Madara’s harsh words. Hashirama just stares at him for a long moment. A very long moment. Then he says, “I have a better idea. Tobirama, come here.”

The silver haired man gives him a wary glance, but obediently steps closer and lets Hashirama take his hand.

It would be the perfect time to strike, but Madara’s _sick, sick, sick_ of fighting, as much as his own clansmen are. Only Izuna’s request and his grief has kept him fighting this long. So, instead, he watches as Hashirama scratches the sharp corner of a fingernail over a small mark on the back of Tobirama’s wrist, drawing blood, then shoves Tobirama’s wrist practically in Madara’s face.

Without meaning to, he inhales in surprise.

 _“Anija!”_ Tobirama protests, and Madara understands. The mark must be a tattooed seal, the scratch temporarily disrupting it until the skin knits back together properly. With it, Tobirama’s scent is bland _generic shinobi_ and fades away infuriatingly. Without it…his scent is as unique as Hashirama’s and far more alluring.

“Is this why you killed Izuna? He found out?” he asks bitterly.

“What? No!” Tobirama looks bewildered. “Your clan isn’t the only one ours clashes with. I have it so the Inuzuka and Hatake can’t track me. And I didn’t kill Izuna. I was on the other side of the battlefield.”

“I _saw you!_ ”

“I _know_. But it _wasn’t me_. Someone stole my sword from behind, and by the time I tracked it down, Izuna was dying and that bastard had disappeared. I’m fast, but not so fast I could take Izuna down _untouched_. I don’t know who it was, barely got a glimpse of black, but whoever it was is _faster than me_.”

Madara stares at him. _Stares_. Because while all the strong clans have a little something not-quite-human in them, are all descended from one family that has something not-of-this-world in the bloodline, the Uchiha _also_ have something not-quite-human that is more…native to this world. Something _big_ and _cat_. The ancestry is thin now, but it shows up more strongly in some after birth. Little _quirks_ that fade with age. There’s a reason that his name is _Madara_. (Spots.)

And in those Uchiha that the something _other_ is strong in, it’s common for them, or the males at least, to pair bond with other males, whether platonic or otherwise. _Hashirama knew this because Madara had told him!_

Madara is not proud of the fact that he’s going to let his longtime friend/enemy use it against him. As unthinkable as letting Izuna’s death go unavenged, overriding his brother’s final wish to refuse peace, harming a potential bond mate is nearly as unthinkable. And… With Tobirama’s wrist right in his face, it is impossible to miss the scent cues that declare that Tobirama is _embarrassed/angry/baffled/hurt-betrayed-unwanted grief/annoyed/angry-angry_ but in no instance do they say _deceiving/lies/avoidance_.

So. They have an unknown enemy working to keep the clans divided. He doesn’t want to believe it, but he is no fool. Well, not a total one. _Whoever it is will die, will suffer._ And if they want the Senju and Uchiha separated so much, then it is obvious that together they are more dangerous to it.

He glares. “If you’re telling the truth, _kneel_.” He hisses at Tobirama, quietly enough that only they three can hear his words.

Tobirama’s back stiffens in affront. “I’d rather-!”

“Tobirama.” Hashirama cuts in, tone unyielding.

The silver haired man gives him a look of betrayal. _“Anija!”_

“Tobirama.”

The broad shoulders hunch and Tobirama mutters curses under his breath, but slowly kneels, trusting that Hashirama knows what he’s doing for once. _Too trusting for the demon Senju._ _Naïve._

Without looking, he knows that every Uchiha on the field is staring in disbelief, some sucking in sharp breaths, a few dropping their jaws in shock, others limiting their reactions to widened eyes.

Madara gives Hashirama a bitter smile, then wraps a callused hand around Tobirama’s wrist, taking it from Hashirama, and raises his voice. “I accept your offer of alliance between our clans, secured by your brother’s proposal of marriage.”

Tobirama goes still in utter shock, then whips around with murder in his eyes. Or _tries to._ Madara’s grip means he just misses landing on his nose instead, and wrenches his arm painfully. All in all, Madara’s glad that the rage is not directed at him.

_“Anija, I’m going to kill you!”_

The bit of Madara that is _other_ quite approves of the low, almost inhuman growl that his partner manages to spit out his venomous words in.

Spontaneous cheers from both clans drown out any further threats and saves Hashirama from having to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...cheetah anyone? Madara's name was a coincidence, I swear. It's just that cheetahs are the only big cat I could find on a brief internet search or two that do any sort of pair bonding. Interestingly, only the males do it. The females are more solitary.  
> And black Zetsu's plans might start to unravel right here, where Madara chooses to believe his nose and believe Tobirama.  
> Yeah, yeah, I haven't a clue of what actually happened. I blame this all on reading too many Tobi/Mada fics within about a three day period. I don't really have an interest in continuing it, just wanted the scene to SHUT UP ALREADY. If anyone wants to run with it, feel free.
> 
> So, basically, I gave the Uchiha some weird customs revolving around those whose cat youkai (for lack of a better word) blood runs stronger. Naturally, these customs aren't well-known outside of the clan. Offering a potential bondmate involves what Hashirama did there: sticking their wrist under one's nose. From there, the one with extra cat traits indicates if one is compatible or not. If one is compatible, marriage is proposed by kneeling or compatibility can be indicated by offering to let the other party kneel, thus leaving whether or not to propose in their hands. There are a couple less formal ways to do it, and a couple ways to do it when it involves someone of a different clan who doesn't know their customs. But this is the way its done when a family is offering one of their members formally as a potential bondmate, and offering to let the other kneel/propose is common when uncertain of how the offered one feels about their family offering them.  
> So, Hashirama doing this is indicating to the Uchiha clan as a whole that he's aware of their customs, so they're assuming that Tobirama as his brother and close advisor also knows. So Madara isn't actually being a jerk with his response (other than the tone, which hey, he's grieving and angry). Madara, however, is aware that Tobirama probably does _not_ know, and is skipping the whole _let us make sure Tobirama agrees to this_ step by using his ignorance against him, since if Tobirama is the one to propose he has no way to withdraw from it once Madara publicly accepts it.


	2. Spotty logic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama is annoyed. It's a tossup if he's more annoyed at Hashirama for the deception, or Madara for tying him to a bed 'for his own good'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go, BeTheCheeto. The bit that had Tobirama sulking. Got nothing else for it, though, ~~so don't expect more.~~

Tobirama seethes. As if it’s not enough that his moronically optimistic older brother has tricked him into marriage. _Tricked! Does Hashirama think he would have refused if it had been explained to him first? He understands the benefits of peace as well as anyone!_

As if it’s not enough that he’s been sent home with their traditional enemies as a token alliance-spouse, with no say in the matter. _Like he could refuse after being the one to inadvertently propose without making it clear that he had been entirely ignorant of the significance of his own actions?_

As if it’s not enough that the one he _inadvertently_ proposed to and was accepted by is _Madara_ , the one person in the world who hates him most and has no reason at all to believe his innocence in the matter.

As if _all that_ is not enough, he is _tied to a bed!_

Not tied down as one might tie down an enemy, where they can struggle but not get free. No, _of course not_. That would be _too simple, too expected_. He wouldn’t even really blame them for the precaution, not when he can use Hiraishin, not when they believe that he killed their Clan heir.

No, instead, he is tied down so he _can’t move his injured arm and aggravate it_. He is not terribly familiar with Madara, but he’s similar enough to Izuna in some ways that Tobirama can tell that _Madara actually believes this_ , that this is his _actual reason_ for tying him down so thoroughly that the only things he can move are his toes, his fingertips, and his head. _Like he doesn’t know his own limits and how to compensate for injuries properly?_

So what if he’d accidentally moved his arm inadvisably during the rather awkward evening meal and made a grimace of pain? It was just _pain_. He hadn’t even aggravated the strain beyond a moment of pain, and more to the point, _he hadn’t done it again_. There was literally _no call_ for treating him like an overenthusiastic dimwit with a serious injury who refused to acknowledge it. It’s a _simple strain_ , and he’s certainly had those before. _Does Madara really think he got to his level of capability by ignoring the danger of such things?_ Then again, he is friends with Hashirama, _willingly_. Perhaps that has affected his common sense, or speaks to an innate lack of it.

Tobirama thinks about this hypothesis, then accepts it, though not without a little banging his head against the mattress in exasperation, since his normal outlets of destroying a few practice targets or sparring with Hashirama are off limits in his current state.

“Do cease. You won’t be able to harm yourself that way.” Madara says from where he’s just changed into a night robe that falls in soft folds around his form.

“I am _not_ attempting to injure myself.”

“You won’t be able to get free that way, either.”

“I am aware. Do you really think this would hold me if I wanted free?”

Madara smirks. “I think you’d have a hard time with that, or do chakra seals not affect the use of your time-space technique?”

Well, there _is that_. In addition to being tied up, he’s been plastered with tiny chakra seals, the kind used to prevent prodigy kids from utilizing their chakra without supervision until their skill and chakra coils will prevent tragic accidents. Certainly nothing anyone over the age of six would have a problem with pushing their power past on an individual basis, but there’s the little matter of _there’s enough of them_ to make any attempt to push past them result in his chakra coming out...hiccupy. And hiccupy chakra is _not a good thing_ when attempting to use jutsus. Particularly finicky ones like kawarimi or hiraishin which require precise control. He could still probably get loose if he had enough time without Madara around to individually blow out each seal, but it would be exhausting, and hardly conducive to the kind of trust that Hashirama wants to build between their clans.

In answer, he merely glowers at Madara, further annoyed when the smirk just turns smugger.

“What, no growls this time?”

Tobirama closes his eyes briefly and hisses his breath out through his teeth. Usually only Hashirama can annoy him to this extent. “You _tricked me_!”

“I did not trick you. I gave you a choice. Surely you are cognizant of the fact that the Uchiha have some _other_ in our bloodline? Hashirama confides most things to you, and I am aware that you have kept the secret of our friendship without prompting. How was I to know that you are unfamiliar with Uchiha marriage customs? If anyone, you should be angry with your brother for _tricking_ you.”

He narrows his eyes, almost certain that Madara knew very well that he was ignorant of Uchiha traditions, but unable to call him out on it. And it is true that he is _mostly_ angry at Hashirama for springing this on him, not Madara, who as a traditional enemy driven into a corner had every right to try to twist the situation to his advantage. “I was aware of it, yes, but I believed it myth, much like that child’s story of the Senju, Uzumaki and Uchiha descending from an evil goddess.”

Madara raises both brows. “That is not a story either, given that the Uchiha have the same recorded in our history. Though I suspect that our versions vary a bit. And the bit of _other_ in our ancestry is most certainly not myth.”

 _“Fine!”_ Tobirama agrees irritably, though he suspects that Madara’s belief is more custom and tradition than fact. He and Hashirama have done a fair job of shaking the Senju away from the more ridiculous bits of those, but obviously it will take some doing to begin to pry the Uchiha away from theirs.

He willfully ignores Madara getting onto the bed because it’s something he’ll have to get used to and it _is_ Madara’s bed, but he still jolts when Madara leans over him, almost close enough to kiss. Oddly, Madara does nothing more than regard him, breath feathering over his face in mint scented gusts of warmth.

“Do you not like men?”

Tobirama narrows his eyes at the odd question. “I am not in the habit of sleeping with those who despise my existence and believe I am a liar.”

“I do not believe you are a liar.” Madara contradicts neutrally. “I could smell your truthfulness when you spoke of Izuna’s injury.”

He blinks. _What!?_ That’s…not a human ability. Not unless one is a Hatake or Inuzuka, and even then most believe that there is youkai blood in both those clans. Perhaps he will have to rethink his assumptions on the matter. Later, though. “You still despise my existence, though.”

Madara cocks his head very slightly. “Perhaps. You have killed a fair number of my clansmen. Still, you are not responsible for Izuna’s death, and those deaths occurred in battle. And finding a bondmate is a rare and precious thing.”

Tobirama frowns. _That sounds like… No, it can’t be_. “And if I do not like men?”

A fleeting look of disappointment crosses Madara’s face and he draws back slightly, then shrugs. “Bondmates are most often platonic. It does not matter one way or the other.”

That’s… _strange_. “And what of children? Do you, as Clan leader without an heir, not need to have children?”

Again, Madara shrugs. “It is common for bondmates to seek out a female willing to have their cubs, but having leadership pass to another family within the clan has happened before. If the former is something that offends you or your clan, the latter is a viable option.”

He considers this and has to admit that Madara is being _extremely_ reasonable about this whole mess, particularly for an Uchiha, _who are one of the most hardheaded clans he’s ever met_ , and that he should probably make an effort to be equally reasonable about it. The imminent marriage isn’t about to go away, after all. “I don’t care about gender. You having offspring outside the marriage would not upset me greatly as long as the mother does not treat me and my clan without respect. And I doubt that my clan would make a great fuss over it, given that hereditary leadership hasn’t been broken within our clan as far back as clan records stretch.”

That’s true enough, though it leaves aside the fact that if _Madara_ has kids, Hashirama is certain to pester both of them about _Tobirama_ having little nieces and nephews for him to spoil. Which is something Madara _knows_ if his sly smile is anything to go by.

Madara kisses him and- _Okay, so the man is a stupidly good kisser._ It takes him a minute to get his breathing back under control afterwards, but he does manage a flat expression.

“Are you stupid? Has it occurred to you that sex while the other party is tied down bears a remarkable resemblance to rape?” he asks acidly.

The pout he gets in reply ranks right up there with Hashirama’s sulky pouts. _He didn’t even know Uchiha **could** pout._

“Kissing isn’t _sex_.” Madara points out in a tone that is mostly whine. “And I’m just worried about you hurting yourself.”

Tobirama knows better than to argue with the self-indulgent pity or even address it. Instead he levels a venomous stare at his betrothed. “You know, now I _understand_ why you’re friends with my idiot brother. Your levels of common sense are _identical_.”

Madara gives him a faintly hurt look, but at least has the sense to not protest the irrefutable obviousness. Which, _Tobirama will give him though he’ll never admit it_ , at least puts him a point ahead of Hashirama, who has _never_ learned that skill, despite his years of effort in teaching it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madara doesn't mention that passing over Clan leadership has only happened once, and only because the last 'heir' was a female who had shortly before married into a different clan.
> 
> I suspect there will be a lot of Tobirama giving Madara the runaround interspersed with not so subtle insults, and a lot of Madara taking advantage of Tobirama's unexpected blindspots _(aka. 'naivety')_ in their future. Though without the whole canonical 'Madara going off the deepend about the village' bit.
> 
> Madara: (curls up, still sulking, to go to sleep next to him)  
> Tobirama: (wakes up partway to a warm body cuddled overtop his and a faceful of black hair) (mumbles) "Get _off_ , Hashi-nii!"  
> Madara: (mumbles incoherent protest without waking)  
> Tobirama: (eventually wakes up enough to realize the hair is the wrong texture to be Hashirama's) (muffled moan of exasperation as he realizes his future spouse has similar sleeping habits to his annoying brother)
> 
> I'm unlikely to write more on this. Though if you have a scene you really, really want to read, I might be persuaded to write it. (Though not actual onscreen sex scenes. Not in the mood to write them.)


	3. 'Laser pointer'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara has some catlike traits, and Tobirama settles wedding arrangements arguments with commonsense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scene prompt from Master_Torch_Master: Laser pointer. 'Nuff said.

“What is that?” Madara inquires curiously. His soon to be husband, if the clan elders can ever stop fighting over which clan’s religion and wedding customs to use, is fiddling with a small, hollowed out wooden cylinder, peering into it as if it holds some great mystery.

“Mmn. Chakra light.” Tobirama says in an absent tone, not looking up. “Apparently the Land of Snow invented them as a child’s toy for the Daimyo’s great-niece. They only require a very small amount of chakra, small enough that even a civilian child can use them if they have even a trickle of chakra. You put it in and…like so, you have a light.”

A purplish dot of light shines on the long, rough workbench that has been cobbled together so Tobirama has someplace to work on his hobbies. Mostly because he'd looked like he was ready to murder someone if he wasn't allowed to do _something_ besides being a polite guest until the wedding. Madara isn’t sure what all Tobirama’s _hobbies_ entail, but it seems that he is a bit of an inventor in his spare time. Hashirama had sent over a few crates of odd, unidentifiable, handmade gadgets and several of scrolls, which are apparently Tobirama’s _personal_ library, even though the sheer number means they equal half the Uchiha _clan_ library. Though he has no idea what is in them. Tobirama had slapped his hand away so hard it had bruised the first and last time he’d attempted to open one of them. The light is…interesting. Pretty.

“What are you here for?”

Madara looks up from putting his hand in front of the dot, intrigued as the dot transfers to his skin as he blocks its path, to see Tobirama looking at him with a mildy inquiring expression. “Oh, the clan elders still can’t agree which priest and clan wedding customs to use, so they came and demanded that Hashirama and I decide. So we decided that it was only fair to let you make the decision.”

“Ah.” Tobirama raises a brow and goes back to fiddling with the little light.

He looks back at the dot and sees it’s moved a little, presumably because Tobirama is distracted, and steps forward so it lands on his palm again.

“Saa, I was wondering if anyone would get around to asking me. It’s not like it’s a hard decision. Both priests can officiate. As long as there’s some shimenawa and bells strung up, it should be okay to erect a temporary structure between the two clan lands and hold it there, right? If they’re fighting about which clan symbol to use as well, I’m sure you and anija can point out _diplomatically_ that both clan symbols can be painted on the walls.”

Madara shoots him an amused look. “Why do I feel that by _‘diplomatically’_ you mean _‘shove it down their throats, by sword point if necessary’_?”

“If that’s what it takes.” Tobirama agrees in an absent tone, turning the cylinder a bit, making the light move again.

He moves his hand again to catch the pretty dot, shuffling forwards a couple steps when it jerks away a couple feet. His eyes narrow as it moves another few inches. _He will not be defeated by a mere dot of light!_ This time his fingers curl around it, as if discouraging it from being able to escape, but not quite closing, so it remains cupped in his palm. It moves verrrry slowly and he eases along with it.

“Madara?”

“What? Oh. Yes. Yes, we can do that. Do you want the wedding clothes altered to include both or…?”

Tobirama sounds slightly amused. “How about you wear Uchiha wedding clothes and I wear Senju wedding clothes? The priests can play jan-ken-pon for which one gets to officiate first.”

He twitches as the dot jerks away once more, eyes tracking its movement. It jolts away again and he _pounces_ and-

“Madara?”

He drags his eyes up reluctantly, blinks as he realizes that he’s now within arm’s length of Tobirama, then blinks again as he realizes there’s a smile lifting the corners of the solemn man’s mouth and lighting his eyes. “Uh. Jan-ken-pon. Sounds fair.”

Tobirama chuckles, smile spreading. _Riveting._ “Do you realize that you just chased a dot of colored light halfway across the room?”

Madara blinks at him blankly, then feels himself flushing as he realizes how undignified he must’ve looked. But… _dignity be damned if it makes Tobirama smile at him like this._ He’d never, ever seen the Senju smile before. In fact, most of the Uchiha were convinced that the ‘Senju demon’ didn’t _know_ how to smile.

“It’s pretty.” He’s not sure if he means the smile or the purplish dot of light. _Both._

“Ah.” If anything, the smile deepens. “Well, in that case, you can have it when I’m done figuring out how they made it.

“You want to make more?”

“Actually, I thought I might alter the design to provide larger chakra lights for rooms, though I am not sure a civilian could charge one properly if I do.”

It takes a couple moments for the significance to sink in. _Indoor lights that don’t carry the risks that fire and lanterns do, and don’t require wood or oil as fuel._ Even if only ninjas can use them, the benefits of such would be a large boon to any ninja clan. “Would they provide heat, too?”

Tobirama’s look turns thoughtful. _And Madara is not disappointed to see the smile fade away. Not in the least._ “They could. They would require more chakra, I think, to do so, and burn out the fuinjutsu engravings a lot faster, most likely. And they might be more dangerous, so a better containment would be required… Still, you’re right that it could be useful in winters.  I’ll look into it.”

He blinks, because he hadn’t been thinking of winters, merely that the dot of light had been without a notable temperature one way or the other on his hand, unlike fire which radiates heat. His gaze drops to the dot of light, caught again in its spell. “Good, that would be good. Useful.”

“Madara? Don’t you and anija have some elders to plot against?” Tobirama’s tone is vaguely impatient now.

He pauses and realizes that his hand is probably in Tobirama’s way of studying the device, only being a few inches from it in his quest to hold the dot securely. Gathering his dignity, he lets his hand fall back to his side. “Yes, of course. I’ll go speak to Hashirama now.”

It takes more restraint than it should to walk in a dignified manner to the door without turning around to stare at the dot some more. He only slams the door _a little_ when Tobirama chuckles again and says, “Don’t worry, Madara, I promise you can play with it again once I’m done studying it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Here, kitty, kitty~"
> 
> Shimenawa (標縄・注連縄・七五三縄, "enclosing rope") are lengths of laid rice straw or hemp rope used for ritual purification in the Shinto religion. They can vary in diameter from a few centimetres to several metres, and are often seen festooned with shide. (those zigzag paper streamer things)
> 
> From what I can find, the Uchiha are associated with Shintoism and the Senju with Buddhism. 
> 
> Jan-ken-pon: Rock-paper-scissors.
> 
> Purple glass, or manganese glass, has been around a very long time, surprisingly. It varies in color from very pale to a rather brownish purple. Thus 'purplish dot' rather than a dot color dictated by chakra type, which I was originally going with before I realized that it would basically negate any need for chakra testing paper. Oops. haha.
> 
> Tobirama basically slapped Madara's hand away from the scroll for two reasons. 1. He dislikes people messing with his things without permission (and sometimes even with it). 2. His big brother is Hashirama, who has a tendency to not check for traps/nasty surprises when curiosity gets the better of him and a number of Tobirama's scrolls _are_ trapped quite nastily for good reasons such as there are jutsus that the average person can not be trusted to a. use responsibly or b. not blow themselves up with.
> 
> Still taking scene prompts. If you really want to see something let me know, because I have no personal inspiration for this story, but I do like it a fair bit.  
> Current prompts: _(Prompts with * after them have been used at least once.)_  
>  From BeTheCheeto:  
> I want to know how Tobirama is going to take the actual marriage! *  
> From C:  
> Tobi meets the Uchiha kids *  
> Madara hears Tobi actually laughs and gets obsessed with hearing it again *  
> Tobi being embarrassed by summons in front of Madara or the Uchiha kids  
> From kitsuneluvuh:  
> To see more of the reactions of the members of the clans to the proposal and wedding. *  
> From C:  
> Tobi and Uchiha kids and kittens.  
> Tobi refusing to sleep and Madara being fed up, Madara learns from a Senju during the negotiations that giving him a kid to hold acts like a tranquilizer.  
> Tobi wrote/rewrote a good portion of his personal library.  
> Show some of Tobi's weak spots/naivety and Madara noticing. *  
> Possibly elaborate on the 'bondmates' thing and its significance. *  
> From Master_Torch_Master:  
> The optimal sunny spot and the magnetic attraction it presents for nap-seeking kitties, and how Tobirama could possibly find out.  
> From Miray:  
> Tobirama is smeared with catnip (accident or intentional action). No amount of shower can't helps him now. Madara just can't stay away and he must touch, smell, taste. *  
> From peppymint:  
> I kinda want to see feral, enraged Uchiha as well  
> The Uchiha catch Zetsu.  
> From Sleepymangahead:  
> ~Tobi finds out that Madara purrs, but unlike regular cats only when he’s content or extremely happy. *  
> ~Madara finds out his purr makes Tobi drowsy and if long enough will put him to sleep. *  
> ~Tobi accidentally creates the original sexy jutsu (an actual full transformation not a genjustu) turning into a female version of himself. He makes an exceptionally gorgeous woman, and attracts all kinds of attention. Madara gets it into his head to protect his naive bondmate.  
> ~Tobi being a typical absentminded Genius, getting wrapped up in his experiment and not noticing when someone is flirting with him. Madara doesn’t know whether he finds it funny or makes him mad.  
> ~Tobi accidentally drinks some sake and it’s only then that Madara finds out Tobi is a lightweight when it comes to getting drunk but it takes a lot for him to pass out from it, if he drinks even a little he becomes majorly clingy and affectionate to people he likes and if he runs into people that annoy him (the elders) he’ll tell them exactly what he thinks about them. I would like to see him being drunk and Madara being there to deal with the fallout. I imagine Tobi being a very honest and outspoken person when drunk. -Bonus points if Tobi not only acts clingy to Madara but also tries to seduce him while drunk-  
> ~Tobi while experimenting with his and Madara’s DNA accidentally creates a couple of kids, even after he looks back at his notes he still has no clue how it happened.  
> From C:  
> Uchiha kids or rather 'kittens' (those the 'other' is strong in) getting stuck in trees or ponds or other real cat hyjinks.
> 
> **Any new prompts after this will be added to a different chapter list, because I'm out of room here.**


	4. Uchiha kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the wedding (which I'm not writing because I hate writing weddings), Tobirama struggles with hair and meets most of the Uchiha children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~Will sort out which prompts belong to this chapter later.~~  
>  Also, please point out any typos. ~~Unedited.~~  
>  Prompts that contributed to this chapter:  
> From BeTheCheeto:  
> I want to know how Tobirama is going to take the actual marriage!  
> From C:  
> Tobi meets the Uchiha kids  
> Madara hears Tobi actually laughs and gets obsessed with hearing it again  
> From kitsuneluvuh:  
> To see more of the reactions of the members of the clans to the proposal and wedding.

Tobirama blinks at the absolute raft of kids in the garden he’s used to being empty and realizes that until now the only Uchiha children allowed near him have been those old enough to already be on the battleground, and even those only at a distance. Huh. Well, it’s not like he disapproves of the caution. In theory the Clan head’s spouse is a lot more trustworthy than a traditional enemy who has killed many of their clan in his lifetime.

After a brief hesitation, he takes a seat on the bench he normally uses and continues disentangling the thin shimenawa and bells twisted through his hair as _someone’s_ idea of what his wedding attire should be like. He hadn’t protested, of course. The Uchiha woman sent in to do it had been terribly nervous of him already. But whoever had come up with the idea? _They definitely had some revenge coming their way_. Darkly, he suspects Hashirama, since it’s exactly the kind of lame brained new idea that his older brother would come up with, and to his knowledge the indignity is not a custom of either religion’s wedding rites. Or any rites, for that matter. It’s just his bad luck that his hair has grown out in the couple months it took for the clans to agree enough for the wedding ceremony to proceed, so there’s more of the stupid things than any sane man would want to have to pull out of his hair. Normally Touka cuts his hair off short enough that it doesn’t get in the way, but he doesn’t trust any of the Uchiha enough yet to let them that near his throat or back with a blade.

The kids tense at his appearance, then relax as he sits unthreateningly, with his hands occupied with his hair. They eye him, exchanging glances and whispers, then start inching closer. He has at least a third of the bloody shimenawa and bells out by the time they decide that they’re close enough for conversation and stop.

“Is it true that you’re a demon?” One little girl with typical Uchiha black hair and eyes demands.

“I’m not a bijuu or a youkai, if that’s what you mean.” He replies calmly, knowing very well that whoever she’d heard ‘demon’ from _hadn’t_ meant that.

“My kaa-san says you killed my tou-san.” Another girl, this one with black hair and brown eyes, accuses.

 _Well, ouch_. “It is possible. The Senju and the Uchiha have been enemies for a long time, and it is a ninja’s duty to defeat or kill enemies. I have killed many Uchihas in battle since I was a little older than you.”

“Oniisan says that you killed the Clan heir, Izuna-sama.” A small, brunette boy stares at him with an expression that shouts that he’s deciding whether or not Tobirama is actually an enemy.

“No.”

“No? Just because he died later doesn’t mean-”

“It is true that my sword did the damage. But Izuna was my rival, my equal, not someone I could so easily do such damage to.”

The boy frowns. “You mean you liked him?”

“No.” And it’s true. He hadn’t liked Izuna. But he had respected him and had enjoyed their clashes on the battlefield. “I mean someone faster than me managed to steal my sword and use it on Izuna before I found it again.”

“But oniisan _saw_ you.”

“If I henged into you and killed someone, does that mean that you killed them just because you were seen killing them? Or does it mean that I tricked them into thinking they saw you kill someone?” Tobirama likes kids. They’re so straightforward in their logic, and generally much better at understanding basic logic than adults are if it’s laid out for them in easy to understand steps. Adults have this tendency to take logic as a personal insult.

“It means you tricked them!” a girl with purple hair crows, proud of being the first to have the answer.

“But oniisan says you’re the fastest ninja.” The brunette boy does not looked convinced.

“I thought so, too.” Tobirama agrees. Though really, he means his hiraishin. It’s true that he’s among the faster ninja around, but there are those who are a match for him or nearly so. He’s fairly sure that both Hashirama and Madara are fractionally _faster_ than him if he’s not using the hiraishin to instantaneously move from one spot to another. “It is a bit worrisome that whoever it is seems bent on keeping our clans at war with each other.”

“So you don’t plan to murder us all in our sleep like obaa-san claims?” The tallest boy, who has light brown eyes and sleek black hair that reminds him of Hashirama’s, asks in a dry tone.

Tobirama squints at him and realizes he’s seen the boy a couple times during the fighting, then grimaces as a bell snags a knot of hair painfully, and starts picking at it carefully. “I have no plans to, no.”

The boy relaxes, looking satisfied. “Kaa-san said you wouldn’t cuz Madara-sama’s bondmate wouldn’t do that. Tou-san said you wouldn’t because your Clan head wants peace.”

All the kids stare at Tobirama expectantly, and after he finally unsnags the bell, he says, “Are you asking me which it is?”

Several of the kids nod, wide-eyed in anticipation.

He sighs. “Why should I? You’re not my enemies. You’re allies now. Murdering allies is probably the stupidest thing a ninja could do other than underestimating an enemy. Besides, I may enjoy fighting, but I’d rather spend my time studying jutsus and science.”

This is apparently sufficient logic for the little purple haired girl who squeals and rushes over to climb up on his lap. “Will you teach me jutsus and snius? Please!? Will you?”

Tobirama freezes momentarily, because while he’s friendly with most of the Senju children because he has the patience to teach them tricks and jutsus, being clambered on by an excited Uchiha child is nearly surreal, it’s so unexpected. And yet…he probably should have expected it, because former enemy or not, he is now the Clan head’s spouse, and thus one of the adults that the children in the clan should _most_ be able and willing to trust.

“Science.” He corrects absently. “I can, but if I will depends on if I can trust you to not practice them when I’m not there to make sure no one gets hurt.”

“But why? Kaa-san says I should practice my writing even when she’s not around.”

At least her complaint has clear logic to it. “Does your tou-san let you practice with weapons when he’s not around?”

“No.” She pouts. “Tou-san doesn’t let me practice _at all_. He says I might get hurted cuz I’m a girl.”

He raises both brows in surprise. Most women don’t care to become ninjas, but saying they can’t because they’re girls is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. And he’s heard many ridiculous things, being Hashirama’s brother. “Obviously he’s never met my cousin Touka. However, children are given wooden practice weapons to use until they learn to use them well enough to not hurt themselves. It is the same with jutsus. They can be weapons and they can hurt you if you do them wrong, and unlike bladed weapons, there is no way to give you a pretend jutsu to practice a real jutsu with. Every jutsu is different. You must learn each one well enough to not hurt yourself with it before you can practice it without a teacher making sure you don’t get hurt and don’t hurt anyone with it on accident.”

“Oh.” She looks thoughtful. “How come I can’t practice silence without you, though?”

“ _Science_. Some of it you can practice on your own, some of it you can’t, but you have to know which is which first.”

“Oh. So, I have to ask first if it’s sci-ence?”

“Correct.”

She nods, dark amber eyes serious. “Okay, I promise. I won’t practice jutsus without you and I’ll ask before I practice sci-ence without you.”

“Very well, then I will teach you.” He winces as a section of shimenawa takes some hair caught in bells with it. “Ow.”

“How come you got temple rope and jinglies in your hair?” A girl with dark green hair with a few pale green streaks in it, asks curiously.

Tobirama suppresses a twitch, because he _hadn’t noticed_ her getting so close and he’s an _excellent_ sensor. He wonders what clan she came from before the Uchiha picked her up, because green hair and excessively sneaky aren’t very Uchiha.

 _Because my brother has a very warped sense of humor._ He’d suspect Madara, but Madara’s outfit includes _feathers_ twined in with his shimenawa and bells and his thick hair is much longer. At least the flower crown placed on top of his arranged hairdo had been easy to remove; he doesn’t envy Madara the task of removing _that_ complicated mess of hair adornments. Though he assumes that he will just have them removed by one of the clan women.

“It was for the wedding ceremony.” He says simply, handing the shimenawa to the girl in his lap, who has picked up the other sections he’d left on the bench beside him and is now amusing herself by tying them together.

“Do you want some help getting them out?”

He hesitates, then decides that she’s unlikely to try cutting his throat and lowers his hands. “Alright.”

It takes some doing to not tense as she moves around behind him and small hands start combing through his hair.

“Tobirama! Can you help me with-? Oh.” Madara pauses as he steps into the garden and takes in the tableau. “I see you’ve already made friends with Kiyoko and Aoko. I was wondering if you could help me with this?” He gestures at his hair with a frustrated motion.

Tobirama takes one look at Madara’s hair, which now resembles a monstrous, _extremely messy_ bird’s nest, and laughs outright. He completely misses the stunned, slightly awed look on Madara’s face at the sound as he takes a moment to set _(presumably)_ Kiyoko on the bench beside him, then gestures to Madara who is still just standing there.

“Come, sit. You look like a large and very drunk bird dropped its nest on your head.”

“I _know_.” Madara grumbles but obediently comes over and drops to sit between Tobirama’s feet so he can get at the tangles easily. “I’m pretty sure that vicious cousin of yours went home and laughed herself sick after she _‘suggested’_ it and intimidated the other women into going along with it.”

 _Touka?_ Tobirama winces and hastily rearranges aborning revenge plans. Retaliating against Touka requires great care to avoid pissing her off the wrong way unless one wants to end up in a protracted revenge war.

“No doubt.” He agrees, combing his fingers through the ends of Madara’s hair to loosen the edges of the massive tangle. It _would_ be just like Touka to do that. “This will take a while.”

 “You think so?” Madara turns his head to look at him and yelps in pain when a tangle snags on one of Tobirama’s fingers.

“Hold still, idiot! And yes, I do. What part of ‘badly tangled’ did not impinge on your awareness?”

“I meant your cousin.”

“Well, why didn’t you just say so?” Tobirama huffs and sinks one hand into the tangle firmly to keep Madara from turning his head again. “Yes to that too. _I said hold still!_ I swear, you and anija are two of a kind. Both hopeless idiots.”

He firmly ignores the grumbling squall of protest from Madara and the sulking that follows when the kids laugh at it. It’s _quite_ obvious to him that being born Clan heir has a direct correlation to lack of common sense, at least when it comes to his brother and spouse. Even little kids know better than to turn their heads when someone is working on their hair. _And yet_ , apparently neither Hashirama nor Madara have _ever managed to comprehend it!_

The _imbeciles_.

It’s quite obvious why they need _him_ around to supervise them, but he wishes he knew what he ever did for Kami to punish him by putting _both_ of them in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't normally care about the name definitions much, but this time you get them!
> 
> Kiyoko- written as ‘pure/holy’ ‘lake’. Purple hair, dark amber eyes.
> 
> Aoko- written as ‘green/blue’ ‘child’. Dark green hair streaked with light green, pale amber eyes that sometimes glint like a cat’s when light hits them just so. One of the older, taller girls in the group.  
> Incidentally, she is Uchiha-born. Her maternal grandmother was someone with extra cat traits like Madara, went out on a mission, and came home with a civilian husband. All attempts at lecturing her were met with extreme hostility until the clan gave up and pretended it was normal. No one knew quite what to think of it, since the females with cat traits usually are not possessive of males. _(It didn’t occur to them that the Uchiha obsessive personality traits might override certain cat behavioral traits from time to time.)_
> 
> Yara- Means 'small butterfly'. Small, black haired, black eyed girl  
> Megumi- Written as 'blessing/favor' 'beauty'. Black haired, brown eyed girl, a couple years older than Yara.  
> Kagami- Written as 'mirror'. Small, brunette boy. Yes, this is Tobirama's canonical direct subordinate, in case you wondered.  
> Satoshi-Written as 'intelligent/clever/bright'. Boy with sleek black hair and light brown eyes, tallest and oldest of the group of kids Tobirama meets.
> 
>  _Thanks to Master_Torch_Master and C for contributing 'Yara', 'Megumi', and 'Satoshi' as names for the kids._  
>  Random Uchiha kids who don't speak up will probably stay unnamed. There's plenty more of them than ones who are bold enough to speak up.
> 
> Incidentally, Tobirama's eyes are 'dark' in the manga and 'red' in the anime, which is kind of contradictory. However, there are some coppery shades of amber eyes irl so I'm reconciling the two by saying he has dark red-amber colored eyes _(and thus isn't an actual albino, tyvm)._


	5. Hair, and Girls as Ninjas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama and Madara argue about hair, Aoko gets a sensei, Madara learns a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts that contributed to this chapter:  
> From C: Maybe explain a little more about the significance of bondmates.  
>  _(Yeah, yeah, I know, not much, but Tobi's incurious about it at the moment.)_  
>  From Sleepymangahead: ~Tobi finds out that Madara purrs, but unlike regular cats only when he’s content or extremely happy.  
>  _(Kind of an inadvertent contribution, since I wrote the chapter before getting the suggestion, but still in there!)_ :)

Madara relaxes, watching the kids play as Tobirama deftly teases tangles out of his mane. The kids apparently had satisfied their curiosity or didn’t feel comfortable trying in front of their Clan head. Whichever it is, he doesn’t mind. It’s nice to have his bondmate’s attention. _His husband._

He knows that his spouse doesn’t have the same urges to not let him out of his sight for long and probably only has a loose idea of what every Uchiha is raised knowing. The Senju don’t have any youkai blood to give them reciprocal urges, and normal humans…just don’t. That changes his satisfaction at finally, _finally_ having found a bondmate. Most of the cat blessed _(as the clan sometimes calls it)_ find bondmates years earlier. In general, it is no hardship to find someone compatible within the clan and it’s hardly uncommon for them to know who their bondmate is years before most would consider them ready for any relationship. Madara, however, has never been that fortunate. Over the years, he’s wangled some casual excuses to look through the clans who are neutral or friendly as well, with no luck. His nose is sharp enough that he’s actually resorted to paying attention on the battlefield, just in case there was someone compatible among their foes.

Kami must’ve had a good laugh over the fact that he’s ‘known’ his bondmate for years and never realized because of that scent seal. Irony is much more amusing when one isn’t the butt of it.

“Madara? Are you purring?”

 _Oops._ He clears his throat and asks the first thing that pops into his head. “How come your hair is silver when Hashirama’s is black? And didn’t one of your younger brothers have black and white hair?”

There is awkward silence for a moment before Tobirama replies. “Our mother is-was from the Burak clan. Pale hair is a clan trait, and two-toned hair, as well, though much rarer. The Buraks are descended from the Bhaskara clan and cousins to the Arjun and Cahaya clans. They’re also tied by marriage to the Hatake clan, though not by blood.”

“Burak? I’m not familiar with that clan.”

“That’s because they’re from up on the border between Earth and Ice. Otousan ran into them on a mission and came home with a bride. They never did say quite how that came about, but Otousan was probably lucky that the Senju had a reputation for being a strong clan.”

“Got caught between the sheets, huh?”

“Likely. Though there’s nothing to confirm the hypothesis other than Hashirama being born just over eight and a half months after the wedding, and pregnancies can vary more than that.”

“Hn.” He very much doubts that Tobirama’s suspicion is wrong. “So, would that connection be enough for the Hatakes to accept an invitation to join the village?”

Again, Tobirama takes a long moment to reply.

“Unlikely. However, they are a rather logical clan and may accept the idea on its own merit.”

“Logical?” Madara laughs. “Are we talking about the same Hatakes?”

“Says the man who thought up a dream of a village with my idiot brother.”

Madara sobers. “Are you against it?”

“Say more that I’m bitter that our fathers didn’t dream it up instead, so my brothers and lost clan members would still be alive.”

Madara says nothing, because he feels the same, to be truthful. Then yelps as a knot of hair snags as Tobirama pulls out a section of shimenawa, bells, and feathers.

“It’s your own fault for having so much hair,” Tobirama advises without sympathy.

“I’ve always wondered why you kept yours short. It’s not as if you lack skill.”

“I like being able to brush the ends of my hair without needing a mirror. And not all of us believe in taunting our enemies by giving them extra handholds.”

“It’s not a handhold if they don’t have the skill to grab it.”

Tobirama yanks his head back so hard that he almost falls into the bench.

“Owch! Hey!”

“No one’s infallible, Madara. All it takes is one time being offguard.”

“I’m a sensor. An excellent one, as it happens.”

“So am I. That doesn’t mean I can use the ability in full, nonstop without giving myself migraines. And what if someone disguises their signature as that of an animal?”

Madara rolls his eyes. “Please. I think I can tell a human from an animal when I can tell a person’s clan and kekkai genkai from their signature.”

Tobirama favors him with a narrow eyed look of displeasure and goes back to picking at the tangles, pushing him back into an upright sitting position.

Abruptly, Tobirama’s chakra signature is gone, replaced by that of a common squirrel, and if his hands weren’t still in Madara’s hair, he’d think he’d shunshinned or hiraishinned away. Madara stiffens. A moment later the ‘squirrel’ is replaced by the chakra signature of an Uchiha civilian woman and it takes an effort to not jerk away at the ‘substitution’.

“Alright. Stop. I get your point. I’m not cutting my hair, though.”

“I never asked you to.” Tobirama says in a mild tone, letting his chakra signature revert.

“Now I’m going to be paranoid about squirrels and women.” He whines.

“Good. If a squirrel approaches you for any reason it’s best to be wary. They’re mean critters. And if you underestimate women you deserve everything you get.”

“But _civilian women_.”

“Who can still gut a man like a fish if motivated enough, and don’t have much in the way of chakra surges or killing intent to warn you.”

“Ugh.”

“Obaasan taught me how to use a knife.” Aoko offers in an interested tone.

“You’re not exactly a civilian, Aoko.” Madara tells her, surprised that she apparently thinks of herself as one. “You have enough chakra to be a ninja, even if you don’t want to fight. I can’t make you learn, of course, because you’re a woman, but you should at least get enough training to defend your children should someone attack in our absence.”

There is a silence, and then Aoko says in a wondering tone, “Madara-sama, does that mean I _can_ train to be a ninja?”

Madara frowns and bats at Tobirama’s hands so he can turn to look at her. “Did someone say you can’t?”

It’s Kiyoko who answers, though. “No one wants to train girls, cuz we might get _hurted_. But Tobi-sama-sama said he’d teach me jutsus as long as I only practice when he’s there and sci-ence as long as I ask first before practicing on my own.”

He blinks at her, surprised at the nickname.

“It’s Tobi _rama sensei_ , not – _sama-sama._ And I can teach Aoko as well, if she’s willing to promise to follow the same rules. Although she might prefer training under my cousin Touka.”

Madara twitches at the thought of _Touka Senju_ and her cheerfully creative malice influencing sweet Aoko. At least his husband has reason to not turn her into a menace just to rile up the Uchiha clan. “I’d prefer you to teach her.”

“Please teach me, Tobirama-sama. I promise I won’t practice jutsus when you’re not there to watch over me until I’m good at them, and I won’t practice science on my own unless you say it’s safe to.” Her tone is a bit shy, but firm.

“Very well, I will teach you then.” Tobirama agrees solemnly, then gives Madara a dry look. “If you want me to finish, turn around.”

Madara obediently turns back around, because he really doesn’t want to have to deal with the snarls of hair and wedding adornments on his own.

A few moments later, Aoko says, “I’m done, Tobirama sensei. Do you want me to braid it so it doesn’t get tangled again?”

“No, just leave it. I need to get Touka to cut it again.”

“I like your hair long.” Madara protests, mildly appalled.

“I’ll grow mine out if you cut yours short.” Tobirama replies in a too pleasant tone. “It would be much easier to cut off this mess than disentangle it.”

“No.” He says shortly, offended. “You don’t have to be so touchy about it. I was just expressing my opinion.”

_Neither of them see the devious looks that Kiyoko and Aoko exchange, in perfect agreement that if Madara-sama thinks his bondmate’s hair is pretty, then it needs to be long._

Tobirama huffs. “I think you’re a little too used to getting your way just by _‘expressing your opinion’_.”

“Not as much as you’d think.” He disagrees, thinking of the myriad ways he _hasn’t_ gotten his way lately. Then again, he _has_ gotten Tobirama out of it, so he can’t complain too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-canonical clans: Burak, Bhaskara, Arjun, Cahaya.  
> All four clans are related, rather small, and have pale hair as a clan trait. Two-toned hair is also occasionally seen. Tobirama's mother is a Burak. Another Burak married into the Hatake clan but doesn't have children.
> 
> I think Madara is probably typical of a man from an era where women are generally considered the property of their husbands or fathers, and tends to overlook them, but isn't stupid enough to overlook that female ninjas can be quite dangerous and useful to a clan.  
> Tobirama grew up with Touka and has no illusions about how stupid overlooking a woman who wants to hurt you is. But also has no patience for trying to teach those who don't want to learn, feeling it's a vast waste of time and effort. Thus why he doesn't immediately offer to teach Aoko until she expresses interest on her own, despite her uncanny ability to sneak up on him. Just watch him teach her to improve that skill and make use of it to sneak up on Madara irregularly and make him paranoid for the laughs. _(Or to make a point. He does love hammering points through idiots' skulls until they have to admit they're wrong.)_
> 
> Madara's and Tobirama's sensor abilities are canonical. Both of them could sense people countries away. Tobirama was said to be able to tell someone's ancestry, and Madara to be able to distinguish between species as well as be able to identify someone's clan and kekkai genkai. _(Mutters about sickeningly OP characters.)_ Tobirama's ability to change his chakra signature is NOT canonical. I just felt like messing with Madara's world view.
> 
> Cheetahs can't roar, but they can purr. Who knew?
> 
> Tobirama's comment on squirrels may involve a clan member's personal experience and squirrel teeth scars. (Evil author laugh.)


	6. Student Relatives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama gets visited by several Uchiha adults. Madara purrs. Tobirama sulks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts that contributed to this chapter:  
> From BeTheCheeto:  
> I want to know how Tobirama is going to take the actual marriage!  
> From kitsuneluvuh:  
> To see more of the reactions of the members of the clans to the proposal and wedding.  
> From Sleepymangahead:  
> ~Tobi finds out that Madara purrs, but unlike regular cats only when he’s content or extremely happy.  
> ~Madara finds out his purr makes Tobi drowsy and if long enough will put him to sleep.  
> From C:  
> Show some of Tobi's weak spots/naivety and Madara noticing.

Tobirama is not expecting the reactions he gets to taking the girls on as students, though perhaps he should have.

First, he is approached by an old Uchiha woman with cat-amber eyes, who moves stiffly, as if from old injuries. She stares at him for a long time, then nods. “You’ll do for my Aoko.”

It turns out that she is Aoko’s maternal grandmother, and another like Madara, who has an extra dose of cat youkai in her veins. Apparently she trusts her own senses above even the judgement of her Clan leader. Tobirama approves. He has a feeling he’ll see more of her.

Next, he is approached by Kiyoko’s father. The man all but falls over himself thanking him for judging his daughter worthy of apprenticeship, though he’s clearly baffled at the notion that Tobirama would think a young female _‘worthy of the honor’_. He gets the impression that the man thinks that it is a political favor at best, and hopes that he doesn’t have to see much of the man in the future. The notion of choosing students on a political basis leaves a bad taste in his mouth and a feeling that he’ll have to get used to the concept once the village becomes reality. He makes a mental note to come up with things to mitigate it on the village’s behalf, because it’s unlikely to benefit anyone in the long run.

Then, a few days later, he is approached by Satoshi’s mother, who _prostrates_ herself and begs him to take Satoshi on as a student as well.

Tobirama blinks in shock a few times, then gives Madara a _‘Help me!’_ glance.

Madara’s mouth quirks. “If you are not adverse.”

He’s not, really. Satoshi has a quick mind and a keen eye for sorting probability from opinion. Although he has a feeling he’ll regret saying yes to a parent’s pleas instead of a child asking directly, he agrees, “As long as he is able and willing to follow the same conditions I set for Kiyoko and Aoko, I see no reason to say no.”

True to his prediction, he regrets it within hours. Hotaru Uchiha storms up to him, fire in her eyes, a bitter twist to her lips and demands, “You will teach my Megumi as well! Since you stole her father from her, you at least owe her this!”

Tobirama casts a glance at Madara, who looks _roundly amused_ , the bastard, and represses a sigh. “Fine, as long as she promises to follow my rules, I will teach Megumi. But this is the last student I will take _at a parent’s request_. Understood?”

Hotaru looks triumphant and bitterly gleeful. “I will so inform the others, Tobirama-sama.”

He is fairly sure the ‘sama’ bit is only because he said yes, and saying yes doesn’t actually make her hate him any less. But at least it looks like she’ll keep other parents from importuning him, which hopefully indicates that she won’t be urging Megumi to backstab him at some point. Although he still hasn’t the faintest idea if he was the one to kill Hotaru’s husband in the first place.

As soon as she leaves, Madara starts laughing. “You really like kids, don’t you?”

He scowls. “No.”

“It didn’t escape my notice that you didn’t say ‘last student’, just last one you’ll take by parental request.”

He crosses his arms irritably. “I’m used to tutoring the Senju children when their parents don’t have patience for it. Children are more logical than adults, so they are less annoying.”

His spouse flashes a grin that holds more amusement than his laughter had, and a moment later, Tobirama has a face full of hair and Madara’s arms wrapped around him while Madara rubs their cheeks together. He’d push him away, but his arms are trapped, so he’s stuck with it for the moment.

“Madara, you’re purring again.”

“Is there something wrong with that? I purr when I’m happy.” He replies in a husky tone, practically in his ear, making him shiver. “My husband loves kids, why should I _not_ be happy?”

“I’m not changing diapers.” Tobirama says deadpan. “And get your hair out of my face.”

He will forever deny that he squeaks when Madara pulls back just long enough to spin him around dizzingly fast before going back to cuddling him, this time from behind, his stupid purr ratcheting up a notch as he rests his chin on Tobirama’s shoulder. Moving fast on his own is one thing, being spun around is another altogether; he _hates_ being spun. At least his arms aren’t entirely trapped now.

Madara’s purr is weirdly pleasant in his ear and he slowly relaxes, relaxes, and realizes that Madara is carrying him somewhere like a sleepy child.

“What-?”

Instead of answering, Madara shifts him a little, so his head is against his shoulder and he can hear the purr rumbling under his ear again. He forgets what he’s struggling to understand and relaxes again.

When he opens his eyes again, he’s curled up on the bed, his head on Madara’s stomach, and Madara is peacefully asleep, breathing evenly, flat on his back with one hand outflung and the other loosely half curled over the join of Tobirama’s throat and shoulder. The possessive gesture doesn’t surprise him, given Madara’s normal sleeping habit of making sure he stays put by plastering himself on top of him. But the flat on his back and the not on top of him thing? That’s…surreal, almost.

Not to mention…

He pokes Madara ungently. “Why am I in bed in the middle of the day?”

Madara’s eyes slit open and he takes a moment to process the question. “Carried you. Obviously needed the sleep given you fell asleep standing up.”

 _There is no way_ he fell asleep standing up! Except…he remembers the purr and… Fuck. “You are not allowed to purr on me in public EVER AGAIN!”

Madara’s eyes widen in realization, then he grins deviously. “Of course not, but that wasn’t _in public_ , Tobirama. No one was around.”

 _He’s not going to win this argument, is he?_ Dammit. Instead he promises, “And if you try it while I am experimenting, researching, or practicing, I can and will injure you.”

“Agreed.” Madara says with a glint in his eyes, then drags him up on top of him, ignoring his squawk and flailing. “But otherwise I will do as I like.”

“Fine.” He sulks, miffed that the shorter man can manhandle him so easily. _It’s not fair, absolutely not fair. Kami has cursed him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Satoshi and Megumi. Remember them from chapter 4? Megumi's mother's name is Hotaru.  
> Incidentally, Satoshi is a close maternal cousin of Madara's and Fugaku's eventual father.  
> So now Tobirama has four students, and has learned Madara _does_ purr when happy/content. _(And is currently fending of his husband without much luck. He's half convinced that Madara is a 'kissing demon'. haha)._  
>  Madara has learned that he can put his husband to sleep by the simple expedient of purring on him. I think he has plans for this. Though probably not ones he can enact very often, given his own duties.  
> Canonically, Madara is just shy of 5'9" (179cm) and Tobirama is just shy of 5'10" (182.3cm), but Madara slightly outweighs Tobirama by a couple lbs or around 3kg. Given that they're _ninjas_ (and muscle weighs more than fat), the weight difference is probably either bigger bones or larger muscle mass, or possibly both (though really, the Uchihas don't look like they're heavy boned to me).  
>  Madara easily agreeing to not interrupt Tobirama when he's sciencing or concentrating _just might_ have something to do with the fact that Tobirama slapped his hand away from that scroll that one time in what was very clearly habit, so he has a fair idea of Tobirama's reaction if he _did_ try such a thing. He's a Clan head for more than just heredity and power levels, he knows how to pick his battles (at least when he's not half insane).
> 
> Was there something else? Hm. Oh well, I'll put it in when/if I remember it.


	7. Drugged kitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The catnip is unintentional on Tobirama's part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited. Feel free to point out anything incomprehensible.  
> Prompts that contributed to this chapter:  
> From Miray:  
> Tobirama is smeared with catnip (accident or intentional action). No amount of shower can't helps him now. Madara just can't stay away and he must touch, smell, taste.
> 
> (peppymint, I haven't forgotten, there's just a break before zetsu finds out things didn't go his way)

Madara smothers a laugh as his husband stalks towards him, looking faintly miffed, probably due to the green streaks decorating his robes and the bits of green caught in his hair. Instead, he raises his voice a little and asks blandly, “Something happen?”

Tobirama’s lips twist in rueful amusement. “The younger kids decided to tackle me all at the same time. I landed in one of the more robust patches of the herb garden. A rather _smelly_ patch. I’m going to shower and change into something more practical for keeping my balance.”

“I had wondered why you grabbed the robes this morning instead of your usual outfit.” He remarks as Tobirama gets closer.

“Saa, they were closest. Not sure why. I usually keep them folded up in the clothes chest so I _don’t_ grab them on accident. Mornings are not my best.”

“Probably Misa. She does a good job laundering garments but she has a habit of hanging them all in the closet. Something about wrinkles.” Madara says in amusement and pretends he doesn’t hear Tobirama mutter something about _‘her face’_ as he stalks past. “I can-”

His eyes dilate as he gets a waft of scent that is Tobirama+whatever-he-fell-into.

“Can what? Nevermind. Tell me when I’m out of the shower.” His husband says as he steps into their room and reaches back to close the door. His hand collides with Madara’s hip and he turns in confusion. “Madara?”

Madara obediently shuts the door. **_You smell good._**

“Um. Thanks? Madara, what-?”

 ** _Did I say that out loud?_** He hadn’t thought he had.

“Yes, you said it out loud.” Tobirama looks concerned and a little disconcerted, and he feels a brief _ping_ of Tobirama’s chakra against his. “Madara…are you aware your eyes have changed colors?”

 ** _Have they?_ ** “Have they?”

Tobirama frowns at him. “You’re repeating yourself. Seriously…are you okay?”

 ** _More than._** He doesn’t bother answering. He crowds closer, because the urge to sniff/lick/roll on is…

“Oh, kami! Are you purring? Get off!”

In response, Madara rubs his face against his bondmate’s face. **_Mine. Mine, mine, mine_.**

“Okay, okay, I get it. You’re not getting off.”

Madara licks his earlobe, then is distracted by _good scent_ and rubs his nose against a strong patch of it before trying to lick that too. He grimaces, because the taste of fabric and residual soap isn’t pleasant.

“Don’t tell me… …catnip? For kami’s… …let me…”

He wonders what _bondmate_ is saying, because it doesn’t make much sense, then the cloth full of _good scent/bad taste_ is rustling and then falling to the floor and he leans after it instinctively… But _bondmate_ grabs his face, stopping him.

“Oh no you don’t! Up here. I refuse… …bed.”

Then _bondmate_ is moving, murmuring something and… Madara blinks in confusion as to how they got on the bed. The _good smell_ is fainter here, almost overwhelmed by the smell of _nest_ , but… He nuzzles his face into _bondmate’s_ hair, pleased when he finds a patch of _good smell_ and nibbling.

“… _eating_? …pieces…?”

Madara has no idea what his _bondmate_ is saying, but the sound of his voice is pleasant and the tasty, crunchy thing _leaf_ is delicious. He tracks down another bit of _good smell/tasty_ , then lifts his head in curiosity as fingers sink into his fur _hair_ and ghost over his ears, making them flick in mild irritation, then rubbing them.

“…purring… …ears? …don’t…”

Feels ** _nice._** He rumbles his pleasure. To show his approval, he lowers his head and licks _bondmate’s_ nose.

“Gyak! Madara! …”

Displeased tone, sharp tug on ears. _Bondmate_ is not pleased? He makes a sound of distress.

“…chirp?”

 _Bondmate_ no longer sounds displeased. Fingers rub his ears instead of tugging. He nuzzles along _bondmate’s_ neck, giving licks of apology and reassurance for whatever he did wrong, before he is distracted by another bit of _good smell/tasty_ and has to track it down.

Hands slide down his back to his ass, exploring and making him _jolt_ , then squeeze, making him roll his hips against _bondmate’s_. _Bondmate_ makes a squawk of surprise. Then hands retreat quickly, to stroke down the sides of his spine instead. And he realizes that his paws _hands_ work like that too, and he can use them to track down _good smell/tasty_ better. Except then _bondmate_ yelps in pain.

“…claws…? …those!”

Oh. Claws. Bad to use on not-enemies, not-prey. It takes him a moment to remember how to retract them and still be able to use _fingers_.

~

He comes back to himself slowly, purring contentedly under Tobirama petting hands. It finally occurs to him that he doesn’t know how he got here, and he stops purring. “Tobi?” He winces at the rough sound of his voice.

“You’re back with me? Thank fuck!”

“What-?” _What happened?_

“Apparently coming near someone with cat youkai blood when smeared with catnip is a bad idea.” Tobirama sounds drily amused. “Do you know what kind of cat youkai you descend from?”

“No.” He thinks about it. “Spotted.”

“Yes, I rather gathered that. Is your name from your spots?”

“Spots? Yes.” He lifts a hand to facepalm, because really? He hasn’t had _those_ since the age of seven.

A slim fingered hand catches his wrist midway, and he pauses as he realizes that his fingers are tipped with wickedly sharp claws.

“Watch it.” Tobirama peers at him, then gives a slight nod as if confirming something. “The cu- The rounded kitty ears are still there, too.”

Madara narrows his eyes. Did Tobirama just start to call his cat ears _cute_?

“But the golden brown color to your eyes is fading back to black. How does that work, anyways? I’d think you’d be more likely to have slit pupils than to have an eye color change.”

He has to think about that one to parse it. “No.” He blinks a few times, then shakes his head. “Never. Sharingan?”

“Oh, there is that. Saa, it’s weird to see them go golden-brown instead of red and black. Though, not as odd as you having claws and no tail.”

Madara considers this, then says very clearly, “I am _not_ one of your experiments.”

Tobirama blinks at this. “I know that.”

“Fine. No one’s had a tail since the first generation.”

“Hm. I wonder if it’s too much mass change or the fact that tails have bones in them?”

_“Tobirama!”_

His husband twitches and gives him an apologetic expression. “I wasn’t planning on experimenting on you. In my defense, I’ve spent a couple hours trapped under a very affectionate, purring version of you.”

He blinks a few times. “I’m surprised you aren’t asleep in that case.”

“If you hadn’t noticed, your claws are sharp. I kept having to redirect your hands. I’ve _seen_ cats on catnip before. It doesn’t always end well for those who get too close.”

“Ah. Sorry. Did I…?”

“A couple nicks. Nothing serious.”

He sighs in relief. “We keep it for tea. It has a few uses. In particular as a pain killer for those of us with more cat youkai blood.”

“The catnip?”

“Yes.” He eyes his claws and wills them away, cheering up a bit when they obey. “So, how hard was it to drag me out of public?”

Tobirama gives him an odd look, then smiles. “Didn’t have to. You followed me into the room before I noticed something was wrong.”

“Oh. Good. That’s good.” It’s not that he particularly cares, or that the clan would care other than to be amused, but he _knows_ Tobirama wouldn’t appreciate being purred on in public. Or even not so public. At least it explains why he’s amused rather than annoyed.

“So, you _can_ consciously control those?”

“Um.” Madara blinks a few times, trying to figure out what exactly he means by ‘those’. “Not the ears or the eyes, those went away when I was three, I think. Or the spots. Haven’t had _those_ since I was seven. But the claws, more or less.”

“And the sharpened teeth?”

“Teeth?” He asks blankly. Then runs his tongue over his teeth curiously, wincing as they catch on the now sharp points of his eye teeth. “Huh. That’s new. Don’t think I’ve ever had those before.” Madara eyes his husband’s _fascinated_ expression, and sighs. “You really want to experiment, don’t you?”

“Not _on_ you!”

“Meaning you want genetic material to play with?”

“Saa…”

“Fine.” He grouses; he can give up a little blood and hair if it’ll keep Tobirama’s attention off of experimenting _directly_ on him. Madara huffs and buries his face against his husband’s shoulder. He’d _really_ rather pretend that today hasn’t happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misa Uchiha- Middle aged Uchiha woman who does Madara’s (and now Tobirama’s) laundry. If not specifically instructed that certain clothing items belong in the clothes chest(s), they will end up in the closet because she dislikes fold wrinkles in clothing. She’s a little OCD about it.
> 
> Dunno what fresh catnip smells like to you, but it smells like watered-down skunk to me. Thus ‘smelly’. Most, but not all, cats _adore_ the smell, however.
> 
> Words in **_bold italics_** are words Madara is speaking with no idea that he’s saying them aloud. Just in case that was confusing.
> 
>  
> 
> Full text, since Madara stopped being able to track well and is progressing to _‘not at all’_ : (Tobi is rambling.)
> 
> “Don’t tell me it’s what I fell into? I thought it was some kind of mint. Oh. Was it catnip? For kami’s sake! Okay, just let me take this off and see if it helps.”
> 
> “Oh no you don’t! I refuse to let my spouse roll around on the floor, as amusing as it might be. No, I said no. Stop it! Come on, this will be safer on the bed.”
> 
> *nest- Madara raises birds. Since cheetahs don’t den, his brain is substituting the first logical word that occurs to him.
> 
> “What are you doing now? Are you _eating_? You’d better not be munching on my- Oh. There are pieces stuck in my hair, aren’t there?”
> 
> “I didn’t think it was possible, but you’re purring louder. What in the world? Are those _cat_ ears? Will you let me touch them? Oh, kami! You know, I really hope you don’t remember any of this, because if you do, _I’m_ going to be embarrassed, not just you, but you are _adorable_. Wait, are those _spots?_ What kind of cat youkai has spots? Right, I’ll ask later. And the lines around your eyes and down the sides of your nose kind of make you look like you got into a prostitute’s makeup, but they’re also _cute_. I wonder if they have a purpose beyond camouflage?”
> 
>   ** _“Nice.”_**
> 
> “You like that? Gyak! Madara! Don’t _do_ that!”
> 
> “Did you just chirp? Oh kami, stop that. That’s the saddest chirps I’ve ever heard. How do chirps even _sound_ sad? I’m sorry, okay? It’s gross though, so don’t do it again.”
> 
> “You’ve got claws, _too_? Be careful with those!”
> 
>  
> 
> Cheetahs are the big kitty with the little voice. When they are distressed, they make a chirping noise that can vary from pretty birdlike to a kind of chirp-ish version of a housecat crying/distress sound. Apparently it can be heard from miles away, and will continue for hours if their distress remains. Though that is generally if they’ve gotten separated from a bondmate and are calling for them.
> 
> Tobirama was looking for a tail. There isn’t one, but it startled Madara into humping him on accident.
> 
> Oddly, cheetahs don’t seem to have slit pupils. The markings around their eyes and nose are thought to enhance distance vision, if I read correctly.
> 
> Tobirama might have doubts about their comparative speed, but Madara has seen him in action and _knows_ he’s fast enough with his hands to get past Madara’s guard if he really wants to.
> 
> So, now you know. Cat youkai descendants _do_ get partial transformations. Though it can vary how much they get, how much fades as they age, and whether they can control bits of it or not. Eyes, teeth, and claws are probably the most common to get, so Madara has a bit more than common in that respect. On the other hand, his individual control of bits isn’t on the upper end, probably on the lower end or mid-range. Enhanced smell is common to all of them, but _unlike most cats, cheetahs are diurnal instead of nocturnal, because they depend on sight far more than on smell, so_ it’s not super enhanced. More like a human with a peculiarly enhanced sense of smell, with a little bit more on top. And honestly, who would _notice_ if an Uchiha had enhanced sight?


	8. Stray Civilians and Chakra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama takes his students on a low risk mission. Things do not go as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Continuation of current list of prompts:**   
>  _Prompts with * on the end have been used at least once._
> 
> From irritatedbookworm:  
> Hmm, maybe an overly tired/frustrated Tobirama loses his mind-to-mouth and/or 'good idea' filters and starts messing around with the Caged Bird seal?*  
> From LunarNinjaCat:  
> Maybe an experiment (with Madara's DNA) goes wrong and Tobirama turns part cat/fully cat for X amount of time. Shenanigans ensue.

Tobirama is of the opinion that his clans should just get over themselves. If he and Madara can marry and make peace between them, the rest of them can too. Preferably _before_ anija or Madara murder one of their own elders out of sheer frustration.

_No one could agree on what representatives to send to a civilian merchant who runs a fairly large and lucrative trade route, with the intent of cajoling him to join the two ninja clans in making a ninja village viable. Tobirama mostly zoned out, because in his position, anything he said could be taken as favoritism to one clan or the other, which would only add to the shouting. Working out the beginnings of a new jutsu was infinitely preferable to listening to a bunch of idiots shout at each other. He lost track of the argument other than brief check-ins to make sure the subject hadn’t moved on, until both anija and Madara got fed up, pointed at him, and declared, “We’re sending Tobirama.”_

_Since both clan heads agreed, it effectively ended the argument. The Senju couldn’t protest without making it sound like they distrust their Clan leader’s beloved brother. The Uchiha couldn’t protest without insulting both Madara and his bondmate. Tobirama blinked a few times, catching up to what had happened, then glared at all of them. “Fine. But next time just send one Uchiha and one Senju. Together. For kami’s sake! What is it about age that makes a gathering of adults have less common sense combined than a pair of five year olds!?”_

_Everyone stared at him in shock until Madara and Hashirama started to chuckle before progressing to laughing themselves sick. Confused and slightly miffed, Tobirama rolled his eyes at them, then went off to fetch his students for the errand before they could drag him into anything else._

Thus why he is in the daimyo’s capital, Shukuba Town, with a set of four mini-Uchihas. He doesn’t care much for the place. The gaudily rich mix with the wretched poor in the streets, the former utterly ignoring the existence of the latter, as well as most of those whose social status lies in between the two. The disparity is brutal, and the thing he hates most about villages and towns. They will have to come up with some laws and systems to help avoid that, because he never wants to be responsible for recreating such injustices.

“Tobirama sensei, that boy is using _chakra_ to _steal_!” Satoshi points rudely, sounding aghast.

His gaze follows the direction to an older urchin, who is…alright, concealing it well, but _definitely_ not a boy. And most certainly using chakra to snatch wallets, empty them, and return them, using the crowd to hide her actions. He ruffles Satoshi’s hair absently. “Hm. I’m surprised to see a civilian using chakra. She might make a good ninja. Should we take her home with us?”

Satoshi blinks at him. “I guess? But he’s _stealing!_ ”

“Yes, I see that. Tell me. How is it different to steal for a client than to steal to survive?”

The boy makes a complicated expression as he realizes that there really is no difference other than semantics. “But he doesn’t have a clan. Does he? So he can’t be a ninja.”

“Wrong. Plenty of clans started with just one person who decided to be a ninja. And many clans are fine with letting those with chakra, but without clans, marry in to help prevent bloodlines from getting too close.”

“Why? Do they have bondmates too?”

Tobirama gives him a dry look. “Unlikely. However, if cousins intermarry too many times, the babies start coming out sick, deformed, or dead. That’s why it’s not uncommon for ninjas to marry clan civilians. The civilian members of clans tend to marry civilians who aren’t from clans, keeping the bloodlines healthier for both civilians and ninjas in a clan. Also, that’s a girl, not a boy.”

Satoshi’s earnest attention turns to wide-eyed shock for a moment. Then he nods. “So we’ve got to take her home with us. Because girls shouldn’t have to steal to survive.”

He thinks it’s probably a good thing none of the girls are paying much attention, too curious about being in a town for the first time. At least they’re good about sticking close. Though he’s had to snag Kiyoko a few times to prevent her from getting separated, and Satoshi had to glare at a man who thought Megumi would be easy to lure away. Not that it would have done the man any good if he’d managed to. The first thing he’d taught all his students was how useful a knife to the groin is in taking down much larger opponents, and Megumi excels at it. Granted, only on training dummies, but that’s only because he doesn’t want to have to heal up a hapless clan member. Or explain to Madara exactly _why_ he’s teaching his students to unman an opponent _first_. Or anija, for that matter.

The former is likely to try tying him to a bed for the rest of his natural life to _protect him_ , and the latter is certain to cry on him before looking for people to murder. Both reactions are _entirely unnecessary_. There aren’t many people who Tobirama has wanted dead who are still alive, and a large number of those who aren’t still alive are in their graves because of Tobirama’s actions. He finds it entirely baffling that his spouse and his brother try to treat him like he’s breakable, when they both know how dangerous he is in his own right.

With a hand gesture to Satoshi telling him to keep the girls from wandering off, Tobirama slides through the crowd with ease. The girl doesn’t see him coming, and it’s a simple matter to sling her over his shoulder. She screeches and wriggles, and beats on his back, attracting attention, but people see his Senju happuri and his Uchiha cloak and promptly lose any interest in confronting him. Ninjas are not well liked, considered _(not unreasonably)_ as mercenaries who will kill anyone in their sleep for a price, but they _are_ feared and treated with cautious respect. To the few who look like they _might_ want to say something _(which is all of two, both travelers by the look of them)_ he just gives a bland look. “It’s a clan matter.”

“Tobirama-sama sensei! Why’d you take off so fast? I can’t keep up!” Megumi complains as she catches up to him, while Satoshi and Aoko herd Kiyoko towards them.

“Just picking up a new student, Megumi-chan.”

Surprise, then calculation crosses her face as she stares at the urchin still wriggling and cursing on his shoulder. At least his armor thwarted her attempt to bite him. “But she’s _old_.”

He conceals a wince. “And?”

“A _civilian_.”

“And?”

“Isn’t she too old to learn to use chakra?”

“Since she has already learned to use chakra, it’s not an issue.”

“Oh.” More calculation crosses her pretty face. “So you don’t mind teaching older students?”

“No?” Megumi baffles him. She’s nowhere near as straightforward as his other students. He has the notion that she _plots._ Why would he care how old his students are as long as they are willing to listen and learn? Not to mention that the girl is hardly _old_ , for all that she’s older than any of his other students.

~

The girl, who had taken great offense at Megumi sneering at her that she was _‘just an orphan brat who should be more grateful’_ , had informed them indignantly that she is _not_ an orphan and her father’s a _good man_ and her name is _Yasu Inukai_ , not brat. Yasu doesn’t trust them _at all_ , despite an explanation, and eventually he is forced to take her with him the same way he caught her to meet the merchant. Fortunately, Takara Aisaka looks amused rather than offended as he sets her down and leaves her to his other students to corral.

“The Senju have resorted to kidnapping Uchiha brats to raise?”

Tobirama blinks, then admits that it’s a fair assumption. “Ah, no. The Senju and Uchiha have made peace.”

The man raises dark blue brows curiously. “Really? Last I heard, the Uchiha Clan leader was determined to wipe out the Senju for the death of his brother. At your hands.”

“Saa, that did happen, but Madara got over it, since I didn’t actually kill Izuna.” He grimaces. “And I married him. Madara, that is.”

Takara listens patiently as he explains what the clans are planning, and their proposal for him to become one of their first merchants. Then he flicks his eyes to where Yasu is skittering back and forth, hemmed in by four mini-Uchihas who are not about to let her run off when he isn’t looking. “And the girl? Why do you have an urchin?”

He’s not sure _why_ , but he gets the feeling that the answer is somehow important to the man. Unfortunately, he really doesn’t have a clue as to what the man wants to hear, so he resorts to the truth. “Yasu is my student. She doesn’t quite trust us yet, however. We found her pickpocketing. With chakra. She’s lucky we caught her before some noble or one of the daimyo’s guards did.” Tobirama pauses a moment, because there’s no real need to say how _that_ would end up. A clean execution or having her hands cut off were the _best_ options of that little scenario. “Saa, or even one of the clans who would use her to breed heirs rather than train her as a ninja. Civilians with chakra are valuable to clans to keep bloodlines strong, but not all of them care to acknowledge that kunoichi are just as able to defend themselves and others as shinobi are.”

“Is that why you prefer female students?”

Tobirama blinks slowly, because _prefer_ has never really come into it. “Saa, Kiyoko asked, Aoko complained no one would teach her, Satoshi’s and Megumi’s mothers requested that I take them on, and I couldn’t just leave Yasu, ne? I don’t have a _problem_ with female students, if that’s what you mean. Other than a very healthy respect of what they will be able to do once trained. My cousin Touka is a rather terrifying kunoichi.”

“And you have no problem with training students outside of your clan? Clans?”

“No. The only reason the clans didn’t share before was because they didn’t want their own techniques used against them in battle. With the clans uniting in one village, there is no reason to hoard knowledge within clans to the same extent.” He is still puzzled by a civilian’s interest in strictly ninja matters, but willing to indulge the curiosity.

Takara sits back in his chair, posture declaring that he’s heard what he’s needed to hear, and isn’t about to move from whatever he says next. “I will agree to your proposal in full, on the condition that you take my daughter on as your student, with the understanding that she will be the head of a new ninja clan.”

He stares at him, stunned. “What? Your daughter?”

“Correct. Honoka has chakra. One of the family guards is an independent ninja and taught her the basics of how to use it before I found out. I’m sure you understand what this means for her.”

Tobirama winces. Since civilian women are most often considered the property of first their fathers and brothers and then their husbands, that has the potential to be awkward in several ways, if not flat out _bad_. She’d have to hide it from a civilian husband, given how most civilians feel about chakra. And a fair number of ninja clans would expect to coopt her father’s business if she married in. Neither is a good option for a prominent non-noble civilian clan. There is really only one answer he can give, considering the importance of attracting a well-connected merchant clan to the proposed Konohagakure. _(Though, really? Madara and Hashirama are **banned** from naming things after this, because ‘Village Hidden in the Leaves’ is the least intelligent sounding name he’s ever heard of. The pair of them are **idiots**.)_

“Of course. I would be pleased to accept your daughter as one of my students, and Konoha can only benefit from including more clans.” He can only hope his new student is smart enough to pay attention when told not to do things that will recklessly endanger her. Kami knows he’s already going to have to break some of Yasu’s bad habits.

Takara Aisaka smiles, looking satisfied. “Excellent. Then let us draw up the terms of our contract.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yasu (written as Peace/quiet) Inukai, runaway girl living on the streets of a civilian village, second daughter of a noble’s dog keeper, ran away because she attracted the attention of the noble and didn’t want to become a concubine. Satoshi notices her and brings her to Tobirama’s attention. Brown hair, green eyes. ~~She’s somewhere between 12-14. Haven’t quite decided yet.~~ She's 14.
> 
> Honoka (written as Harmony; Flower) Aisaka. Dark blue hair, dark purple-blue eyes. She’s about 8. By agreement, she will be the founder of the Aisaka ninja clan. Daughter of the head of the well-respected Aisaka civilian merchant clan. (Father: Takara Aisaka, dark blue hair and eyes).
> 
> More notes when my brain decides it's not dead again.
> 
> Because I've been asked twice already: No, the Academy is already in the plans. Hashirama isn't as brainless as he acts. He actually came up with the basic structure for the school and ninja ranks as a kid, then dragged Madara into his plans. They don't come up with it because Tobirama happens to be a kid magnet. Though...it might inspire them to push the plans forward a bit faster.  
> However, because it is also canon that Tobirama is responsible for creating the Academy, he'll quite likely end up in charge of the project for the simple reason that he's the one best suited to coming up with an education program that takes into accounts the children's education needs without any undue clan prejudices. He won't be facing as much resistance from the Uchiha clan in various things, either, because of his relationship with Madara and the fact that he's taken on Uchiha students without protest in this version.
> 
> One reason that Satoshi is confused on Yusa's gender is because she's wearing her yukata without the extra, wide fold at the waist that women put in theirs. It's not because she doesn't know how. Partly she leaves it off because it makes people assume she's a boy, so she's harassed less, which is important when living on the streets. Partly it's because she's grown since she ran away and it would be too short for her if she folded it properly. She does wear it properly other than that, partly to help conceal that she binds her breasts to avoid unsavory attention as much as possible.


	9. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama decides to deliver the Aisaka agreement directly to one of the meetings for planning Konoha, students in tow. Unexpectedly, there are other Clan heads in attendance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Random grammar notes for anyone writing and puzzled by bits of English grammar:** (Feel free to skip to the story.)
> 
> So when you have multiple people as the subject of the sentence, the verb does not have an s on the end, but when you have a single person or entity as the subject, the verb does have an s on the end. _“He blocks the way.”_ Or _“They block the way.”_ Adding an s to a verb is weirdly NOT pluralizing it, it is singularlizing it. _(Yeah, yeah, ‘singularlizing’ might not be a proper word, but you get it.)_
> 
> If a word ends in a vowel when you add –ed to the end of it, the last consonant is NOT doubled. If it ends in a consonant when you add –ed to the end of it, the last consonant IS doubled. Thus _‘twine’_ becomes _‘twined’_ and _‘twin’_ becomes _‘twinned’_.
> 
> Commas around names are used when speaking _to_ someone, but not when speaking _of_ someone. Thus _“Harry, come here.”_ Or _“Harry went there.”_
> 
> Commas are used or not used for many reasons. In general, beyond separating multiple items in a sentence, indicating a clause that would otherwise interrupt the flow of a sentence, or commas around things like names when addressing people commas only need to be used when indicating a verbal pause in a sentence. The places where if you were reading them aloud, you’d pause for breath or for emphasis clarifying how you mean the words. _“So, you went there.”_ Here the comma indicates a verbal pause, changing the pacing of the sentence, and may even indicate a different tone than _“So you went there.”_ As such, the first sentence _may_ mean something _very different_ from the second sentence, or it could just be that the speaker talks in a more measured manner. Which largely depends on context, of course. Just to confuse you more.

They are in a meeting with the Shimura, Utatane, and Hatake Clan heads, who have expressed interest in perhaps hashing out agreements to join Konohagakure when Tobirama walks in, looking frazzled. Well, for a given value of frazzled. His husband is good at maintaining his pose of dignity no matter his state. He has a sulky teenager in a somewhat ragged yukata by the wrist and is followed by his four tired-looking Uchiha students and a blue-haired girl about Satoshi’s age in a plain indigo kimono and wearing a cold, serene expression.

He tosses a scroll on the table between him and Hashirama. “Signed and sealed.”

“What are children doing here?”

Tobirama turns his head to give the Utatane Clan head a flat stare. “They are my students. They accompanied me on the mission.”

Madara smirks. “They seem to have multiplied.”

His husband twitches and drops his grip on the teen. “They are hardly _rabbits_ , Madara. This is Yasu, whose chakra control is _excellent_ for being self-taught.” He turns and beckons the blue-haired girl forward. She glides forward gracefully. “And this is Honoka Aisaka, by agreement, the founder of the Aisaka ninja clan and our formal liaison with the Aisaka merchant clan. Her former teacher taught her enough that she is on par with those of a similar age from established clans. They are both my students.”

Hashirama looks up from reading the scroll and flings himself at his brother with a teary, happy expression.

Tobirama flinches back but doesn’t actually move away, looking resigned as Hashirama plasters himself to him. The teen at his side, though, skitters back fearfully and only doesn’t escape from the room because four little Uchihas block the way. _Wait. Is that a girl?_

“Otouto! You brought me a nephew!”

_What!?_

Tobirama sighs beleagueredly. “I fail to see how you came to that conclusion. To begin with, Yasu is a _girl_.”

“You brought me a niece!” Hashirama wails, not deterred at all from his unwarranted happiness.

Visibly giving up, Tobirama gingerly pats him. “Yes, yes, why don’t you hug her instead of hanging on me?”

Madara notices that Honoka takes a small step back just in case. _Smart girl_.

“Ahh! I’m a terrible uncle, aren’t I? I should’ve done that first thing!” Hashirama declaims, throwing himself at Yasu instead. The girl looks terrified when she’s suddenly engulfed in a clingy bear hug by a cooing mess masquerading as a ninja half again her size.

Tobirama runs a hand over his face, not sparing a glance for his poor student, looking weary. “I suppose by the proposed laws of Konoha I am technically her legal guardian. Possibly parent. Trust Anija to take it literally. He takes Hashirama’s abandoned seat and pushes the scroll over to Madara to read. We should probably let it be known more widely that we’re married. Aisaka accused me of kidnapping the kids to begin with. I think the only reason he didn’t try to intervene is because I was wearing that cloak you insisted on giving me.”

Madara snorts. He’s fairly sure Tobirama actually _likes_ the Uchiha cloak he gave him, because he’s still wearing it. Not that he would _have_ to kidnap children. Any child who’s known Tobirama for more than two hours would probably follow him anywhere without question. Okay, with many questions, because the man encourages questions, but without any doubt that he can be safely followed. His brows lift slowly as he reads the terms that his bondmate has managed to procure for them. “This is…far better than we expected to get. Because of the girl?”

“Yes. I didn’t bother arguing, because Konoha can use more clans and one more student isn’t a hardship. I figured that it would be fine even if she was hopeless, but she’s actually quite good. Besides, she’s _mean_. Touka will adore her.”

“I just pictured your pretty little hime as a mini-Touka. It’s a terrifying thought. Stop it.”

Tobirama laughs rustily, making him feel smug for being able to amuse him.

“So,” The Shimura Clan head clears his throat. “This Academy you were talking about. What would it involve?”

Madara pinches his nose, because _really?_ They’ve explained it three times already. “Tobirama, if you would?”

He gets a glare for his efforts. “You haven’t explained it to them yet?”

“We tried! I think Hashirama was confusing them. Or maybe me. I’m not sure.”

“Maa, I’d like to hear your thoughts on it as well, Tobirama-san.” The Hatake clan head intervenes.

Tobirama sighs and begins explaining the proposed set up in concise terms, laying out the safeguards they have in place so children will be judged on their own merits, not by clan favoritism or prejudice. The different classes that will be taught to lay the foundations for things that they will be taught as a team after they graduate. How it will allow their children to be better prepared and older before they ever see a battlefield. How combining the strengths of different clans in teams will make them stronger and more versatile. It’s startling how Hashirama’s rambling vision of the future can be laid out in such a beautifully concrete manner.

Madara claims one of Tobirama’s hands as he talks, stroking it fondly, wishing his dignity could stand doing like Hashirama had and plastering himself to his bondmate. He ignores the glances and stares of the other Clan heads, even though he knows that whatever reaction they have to it will influence their decisions whether to join Konoha or not. As much as more clans would be useful to Konoha, particularly these clans, Tobirama is _his_ and if they don’t like it, they can _leave_.

A small smile curls the lips of the Hatake Clan head. He ignores that too. Amusement be damned, Madara has _missed_ his bondmate.

He loses the hand, however, when Hashirama glomps Tobirama from behind, almost knocking him out of his chair.

“Tobirama! What will I _doooo!?_ She _hates_ me!”

Madara glances over, and sure enough, Yasu is cowering by the door, staring at Hashirama in bewildered terror. _Is he sure that one isn't a rabbit? Because she's certainly doing a good impression of one._

“Why don’t you try acting like a Clan head for now and apologizing to her for existing later?” Tobirama looks annoyed as he rights himself with some effort, despite Hashirama’s clinging.

“You’re _riiiight_! I’m a terrible uncle! I’ll go apologize now!”

Tobirama’s hand flashes out and grabs the back of Hashirama’s shirt before he can go pounce on the poor girl again. “Satoshi! Take the girls to Hikaku and have him assign Yasu and Honoka rooms. Hashirama, you’re in a _meeting_. You can apologize for existing later.”

He droops comically as the kids exit, then turns around with a mournful expression. “You’re in my chair.”

Tobirama gets out of it with a surprising alacrity, which is a little alarming, knowing Hashirama as he does.

Hashirama beams and then pushes Tobirama at Madara before primly taking his seat. “He’s being mean. Put him to bed before he starts inventing scary jutsus again out of sheer exhaustion.”

His husband yelps and curses as he hits the corner of the table on the way into falling on Madara.

Madara catches him, then glares at Hashirama for not being more careful. His friend is going to _pay_ for the injury. Then the bit about ‘inventing scary jutsus’ sinks in, he eyes Tobirama’s weary face, and decides it’s a good excuse to take him home and sleep on him until he smells like him again. A better excuse than _I’m taking him home to fuss over his bruise now_ , at least.

He stands up, taking Tobirama with him. The fact that his husband doesn’t protest, and doesn’t try to correct his awkward stance that has him leaning against Madara, tells him all he needs to know; he hoists him up so he’s sitting on his arms, drooping over his shoulder. “So, tell me,” he says as he walks towards the door. “Why does Hashirama think you make _‘scary jutsus’_ when you’re this tired?”

“Dunno. I only made a jutsu to reanimate the dead last time. There’s nothing scary about that.” Tobirama protests, sleep clear in his tone.

Madara thinks it’s probably a good thing his hair is already uncontrollable, so no one can tell as it tries to stand on end. _Okay, maybe Hashirama has a point about ‘scary jutsus’. Something to remember._

~

Behind them, the Clan heads trade disturbed glances, and Hashirama pastes on a slightly strained smile. “When he’s tired enough to get blatantly mean, he has a tendency to invent kinjutsus. We try to make sure he gets to bed before that happens.”

They contemplate that in silence for a moment, then Hashirama perks up.

“But now he has Madara to look out for him, so it shouldn’t happen as often!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needless to say, all three clans decided to join Konoha.
> 
> The Utatane because their Clan head is impressed by the idea of a resurrection jutsu, as well as not wanting to ever face it in battle.
> 
> The Shimura because their Clan head is convinced that the two clans are deathly serious about their intentions if the Uchiha are letting the Senju train some of their children, and impressed with the strength that would bring Konoha.
> 
> The Hatake because their Clan head is convinced by Tobirama’s logic, as well as observing that the relationship between his cousin’s spouse’s cousin (Tobirama) and Madara is obviously on a sound footing and quite affectionate. Something that he quite approves of, though it amuses him.
> 
> Headcannon that Tobirama has trouble sleeping when he’s stressed or overly focused on something. When he goes a certain amount of time without sleeping properly, if he’s not already focused on something else, he amuses himself by inventing kinjutsu because a few of his logic filters go _‘bye bye’_ until he gets some sleep. Eh. It just seemed like the perfect excuse for the invention of Edo Tensei, and why he never bothered figuring out how to complete it. Hashirama tends to take them away if he notices it happening, but Touka’s version of help is sometimes just enabling him, by way of curiously asking _‘Well, what if…?’_ Touka saw what he was doing and asked what he’d do if _he_ was the one resurrected, thus the escape clause designed into it, then wandered off for a few hours before remembering to let Hashirama know his brother was on a kinjutsu bender again. And yes, Hashirama has more or less flatly forbidden him from actually using his kinjutsus, something he’s far more amenable to when not kinjutsu-bender tired.
> 
> Tobi has not slept well without his Madara blanket. It's been over a week, because he had to cater to the kids' ability to keep up.
> 
> Hashirama's a little slow on the uptake when excited.  
> He also has zero qualms about sitting _on_ Tobirama if he refuses to vacate a chair.
> 
> Yasu is very...skittery. She greatly dislikes confrontation. Tobirama's gonna have difficulty with that habit. Once she realizes that Hashirama is harmless to her, she'll quit being terrified of him, but I foresee a lot of her taking to her heels the moment she sees him in the near future. To be fair to her, she's basically been kidnapped by a bunch of _(mostly mini)_ ninjas who refuse to let her run away. It's not really any wonder that her nerves are shot after a few days of that, even though they've done nothing to harm her. And yes, she knows better than to think even little Kiyoko is harmless. She's skittery, but she's _smart._ Her chakra control is actually quite refined for her age and particularly for being self-taught. It's just that she's only thought to use it for certain things, like pick-pocketing, so she doesn't have any of the regular skills clan kids know.


	10. Kids and discussions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megumi is sneaky. Tobirama puts his foot down. Yasu discovers something interesting about being a kunoichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Requested grammar note:**   
>  _(Feel free to skip to the story.)_
> 
>    
>  _If you have other grammar questions I can help you with, feel free to ask, I’d be happy to add a grammar note as well as answer directly if I know the answer._
> 
>    
>  **On the usage of brackets when it comes to whether the punctuation at the end of sentences goes inside or outside the brackets.**
> 
>    
> I’m going to use the explaining text as the example, because I can’t think of any good sentences for it otherwise. So some of the example may be a bit awkward for it, and while my grammar is decent, I’m not an expert, so I won’t be offended at all if you want to go double check with someone who is. _I certainly have people I go to when lost on grammar and, failing that, there’s always google or a textbook if I’m desperate._
> 
> (So, when the sentence is completely in brackets, the punctuation goes inside the brackets.)
> 
> It is different when the sentence merely _includes_ something in brackets that goes at the end of the sentence (the punctuation goes outside the brackets).
> 
> However, I believe that if the inclusion in brackets is in a different tone than the rest of the sentence, such as questioning or exclaiming, the punctuation goes inside the brackets to indicate that only the inclusion has that tone (believe it!)
> 
> “The exception to this is any sentence spoken aloud should have the quote marks outside the brackets, even if the punctuation belongs on the inside of the brackets. (Try not to do this _unless_ you have at least one other, unbracketed sentence in the spoken paragraph, because there’s really no point to it and people will look at you funny if you do unless there’s a SUPER clear reason you’re doing it.)”
> 
> However, if the spoken part is _merely_ within the brackets in an inclusion to the sentence, then the quote marks go inside the brackets because they do not indicate that the sentence is spoken aloud, simply that something that was spoken aloud was included. Such as when you’re remembering your gramma and how she motivated people to clean (“Take out the trash or I’ll start charging you rent!”) and wish to convey the quote without fussing to restructure the sentence so that you don’t need to use brackets.
> 
> “This is also done when a paragraph is spoken, but a sentence within it is in brackets but quoting someone else than the speaker’s words, or a sentence within it has an inclusion that is spoken. (“Kind of like so.”) And so, blah blah (“Is your head spinning yet?”)” She sighed. “Though (again) I would not recommend writing your paragraphs in a manner that requires these usages unless it’s unavoidable, simply because there’s usually better ways to convey the same things. Another consideration is that readers tend to get confused if you use punctuation that is correct but is more complicated than they are familiar with (and the ones who fancy themselves grammar nitpickers may or may not descend on you in a self-righteous fury guaranteed to annoy.)”
> 
> Another couple things, not strictly related to the question, about brackets:
> 
> Sometimes you can use italics in place of brackets _usually in the middle of a sentence_ if including brackets in the sentence would make the sentence awkward and if utilizing commas instead isn’t a functional choice. That’s not the best example, since it could easily be bracketed without a problem or even used with commas, but hopefully it gives the basic idea of it. It’s important to recognize when using a proper form of punctuation will simply make a hash of your sentence and make it hard for the reader to comprehend, and when you can get away with it despite it looking a bit odd. Basically only _replace_ brackets or commas with italics for an inclusion if _not_ doing so would screw up the flow of the sentence horribly and you can’t figure out how to rephrase it without losing a lot of punch.
> 
> You can also use italics if you have a lot of brackets in your text, to separate the bracketed parts from the main text to help avoid confusion or for emphasis. I’m fairly sure that’s easy to understand, so I won’t try to give an example. If you need one, you can find a lot in my fics, because I use it for both purposes on a regular basis.

His oldest Uchiha kunoichi student is an evil, manipulative _brat!_ He glares at Megumi.

“You said you didn’t mind taking on older students.” She reiterates. “And I heard you tell Madara-sama that one more student isn’t a hardship.”

The Uchiha boy in question, a somewhat shy ten or eleven year old by the name of Katsu, shifts his weight and shuffles his feet uncomfortably and says quietly, “Tobirama-sama, I will be okay if you don’t want to.”

Polite and thoughtful children _are_ rather rare, and Satoshi _has_ been looking like he feels a bit outnumbered lately. “Do you _want_ me to teach you, or is this something Megumi talked you into?”

Katsu flushes. “Um. Both? I mean, I didn’t think you’d say yes, so I didn’t want to bother you, but Megumi swore you wouldn’t mind, so I thought-” He breaks off with a swallow.

“And I presume that Megumi also informed you of the rules my students are required to follow?” _The little sneak better have!_

“Yes, Tobirama-sama. I promise to not practice techniques on my own if you feel I am not ready to use them without supervision, and promise to ask if practicing anything sinus on my own is allowable before doing so.”

Tobirama narrows his eyes and corrects absently, “The word is _science_. Alright, then. I will accept you as my student. However,” He glares at Megumi again. “Katsu is the _last_ student I will accept until the lot of you have graduated to jounin. And don’t think any of you are getting out of attending the Academy, when we get it going, just because you’re my students.”

“Yes, Tobirama-sama sensei.” They both say meekly, though Megumi’s meekness is highly suspect.

~

Tobirama eyes his spouse cautiously. “You _have_ started on that fathering heirs thing, haven’t you?”

He gives him a guilty and faintly wounded look. “Er, no?”

“Madara.”

“Well, we’ve been busy! And I don’t-! You- I mean, err… Um.” Madara flushes and refuses to meet his eyes.

Tobirama stares at him, then pinches his nose and sighs. “Are you saying that you don’t want me to feel like you’re cheating on me?”

“Yes!”

“You…” He gives up and sighs again. _It’s sweet and all, but…_

“Saa, that and _I feel_ like it’s cheating.” Madara mumbles almost unintelligibly.

“Madara, we discussed this before the wedding. It’s _in the contract_. You have to have heirs.”

“It doesn’t have to be right away.” His spouse defends. “And we’re going to be clearing that valley and moving soon. It’s just not a good time. There’ll be plenty of time later.”

Tobirama gives him a flat stare. “Sooner is better. You know this as well as I do. And I’d prefer you do it before your elders start plotting to get rid of me because they blame me for your lack of heirs.”

Madara makes a heart breaking noise of distress, then says weakly, “They wouldn’t do that. You’re my bondmate.”

 _Oh, not the chirping! Urgh._ “Not even _you_ believe that. Maybe they would hesitate to try to kill me, but can you honestly say that they wouldn’t come up with something worse?”

The flinch is answer enough. Shinobi rarely survive past childhood without learning to be sneaky, underhanded and willing to preemptively murder or incapacitate their opponents and targets. And those who survive to be elders? Well. Battlefield tactics translate with unfortunate ease to politics. Those clan elders who aren’t ninjas are or have been the spouses, siblings, cousins, children or neighbors of ninjas and have survived _anyway_. They’ve lost too much in their lives to back down in the face of something they consider a necessity, unpleasant or otherwise.

While the Uchiha have been surprisingly acceptant of his presence and new place of authority in their clan, he has no illusions as to the lengths they are likely to go to if they think he’s trying to end Madara’s bloodline by way of preventing him from having children. Tobirama would appreciate _not_ being the target of such machinations.

“Also, I would appreciate if you would do it while anija is still fluttering over Yasu, so he won’t bother _me_ about siring children when yours are born.” He adds like it’s an afterthought, not his main reason for enquiring.

“I- You-” Madara splutters and bristles then crosses his arms and says in a dignified whine, “But you’re here.”

He considers Madara’s sleeping habits, which seem to consist of making sure Tobirama can’t go anywhere by way of sleeping _on_ him, his habit of seeking Tobirama out at odd moments to reassure himself that he hasn’t disappeared or inexplicably gotten injured, and his generally clingy attitude towards their relationship instead of the wary distrust one might expect. _Maybe it’s a cat youkai trait to be totally distracted from other possible relationships if their spouse is around?_ “So you’re saying it’s impossible for you to do it when I’m around?”

“Yes! Exactly!” Madara looks relieved.

It is Tobirama’s turn to be annoyed, and he hisses out a breath, petitioning kami for patience. “Fine! I will accept the mission to go convince the Hyuuga to join, since the lot of you have yet to agree on who is least likely to offend them. I’m probably the best choice at any rate. I’ll take my two oldest students and be gone a month or so. In that time, pick three women and try to get them pregnant. I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

Madara looks startled. “Three? Why three?”

“At least three. Because I have no intention of going through this again.” To be honest, he’s fine with the idea of Madara reproducing. Madara may have other reasons, but their marriage has large political components and he’d known going in that the Uchihas would require an heir or several, even before the demand was raised while their marriage contract/peace treaty was being negotiated. But having to talk about it? Having to convince Madara to go along with it against his will _despite_ the fact that he should know exactly why he needs to _without_ having it shoved in his face? No, he’s really not okay with that. He’s even less okay with the notion of having a repeat. So he threatens in a mild tone, “If you don’t get at least one of them pregnant, I swear I’ll invent a fertility jutsu to _make sure_ it happens the next time.”

Quite honestly, he’ll probably invent several anyways, along with some sleep jutsus, because apparently he sleeps like shit now without Madara’s heat weighting him down at night and the Hyuuga territory is far enough east that the long absence really is necessary. It is not as if he is unaware of his tendency to obsess and create progressively more innovatively odd jutsus as he passes certain points of tired. He should probably focus on useful sleep jutsus first, given that Hashirama claims that he’s _terrifying_ once he hits the point of losing his verbal filters and alarming the Hyuuga is not part of the goal.

In response, Madara somehow manages to flinch, twitch, and look intrigued simultaneously. “I think I’d rather avoid having them used on me, but is it even possible to make a fertility jutsu?”

Tobirama gives him a sharp smile, slightly annoyed at the doubt. “If I can figure out how to reanimate the dead, I can figure out a fertility jutsu. Why?”

“There’s a few couples who have been having trouble trying to have children. They’d probably be quite grateful for it.” Madara pauses, obviously following a thought. “And nobles without an heir would pay in jade and pearls for something like that.”

“Saa, then. I’ll work on one.” While the backbone of Konoha’s income will be from shinobi work, basing an economy solely on such a thing would be foolish. Diversifying sources of income is a wiser way to guarantee the continued stability of the proposed village. Medical jutsus are certainly a more peaceful option for it than assassination or escort missions.

~

“If you keep frightening my student, I’ll let her hurt you.” Tobirama informs the Hyuuga teen in a too-pleasant tone. The Hyuugas are far too proper to need to worry about the boy trying to touch her without permission, but his focused attention in close proximity has Yasu ready to bolt. He’s not really worried about Yasu, the girl can take care of herself, but Katsu isn’t fast enough to catch up to her longer legs and having to chase down a fleeing student is hardly likely to make a good impression on any clan. Particularly one as stuffy as the Hyuugas, who are proper and prim enough to make the rest of them look like howling barbarians in comparison.

The boy’s pale eyes widen in alarm. “Hurt me? Wait. Frightening her? I’m not.”

Katsu huffs softly and crosses his arms. “Yes, you are. You’re too close and she’s not all tensed up because she thinks you’re pretty, Hyuuga-san.”

Looking insulted, the Hyuuga boy says in an offended tone, “I don’t have to listen to insults from Uchiha brats.”

 _Well, this has the potential to go to hell in a hurry. Fun, fun._ Tobirama sighs. “Yasu, show the overly friendly Hyuuga what I taught you, please.”

She gives him a wide-eyed look. “But you said to only use that on enemies, sensei!”

Tobirama winces. _Oops_. It’s probably a good thing that Yasu’s natural response to confrontation is to flee unless cornered, at least in this case, since that would have been…unfortunate.

“I didn’t say use it on him, I said ‘show him’.” He clarifies.

“Oh.” She squints at her hands, then holds them up, palms facing her, showing off barely visible chakra shaped into blades extending from her fingers, one knife-like chakra extension protruding a few inches from either hand. There aren’t many ninjas who could pull it off, but Yasu’s control is fine-tuned enough that he’s begun to teach her what medical jutsus he knows.

The Hyuuga teen looks impressed, as well he should be.

“Now tell the Hyuuga who doesn’t understand personal space what you’re supposed to do with them, Yasu.”

“Use them on people I feel are threatening me from the groin up.” She says solemnly, though he’ll be _very impressed_ if she ever uses them on another human being without being cornered and in fear of her life. Breaking her habit of fleeing at the first sign of confrontation has only met with the most minimal of progress, despite his best efforts. Yusa isn’t precisely a coward, but she apparently sees no reason at all why she should break habits that have kept her intact while living on the streets, and her life prior to that had been entirely civilian. He supposes that fleeing like a bijuu is hot on her heels is not the worst habit for a medic to have, and it’s clear that she’ll never be a front-line fighter despite her ability to be stunningly vicious when cornered. She’s also flatly refused to learn genjutsu at all, other than to learn how to _break_ them quickly enough to make his Uchiha students sulk, so that precludes that specialization. That doesn’t mean that he’s consented in any way to allowing her to not learn how to thoroughly defend herself and others if needed. At least she’s been content to learn the katas and wind jutsus properly as long as there’s no human combatants involved directly in her training.

The Hyuuga boy pales dramatically and backs off a step.

Tobirama bites down on his amusement when Yasu’s eyes light up and she smiles at the reaction. He’s proud of Katsu for managing not to laugh at the arrogant Hyuuga brat. _Ahh, a normal kunoichi reaction at last._ Liking making dangerous people fear for their lives if they dare cross her. _Good girl._ This is going to make his life so much easier. He’s _almost_ tempted to thank the idiot for having a small modicum of self-preservation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brain fried. Will add actual notes after it revives.
> 
> So, I'm actually a little unhappy with how long the grammar note ended up being, because that's a fair bit of text to read or skip. I have considered in the past posting a fic that is just grammar and word usage notes, though I'm a little stuck on how to make it available easily to more than one fandom. How many of you would be interested if I chose to do that, moving any grammar notes to it as a linked fic?
> 
> Katsu (written as 'Victory') Uchiha- brown, shaggy hair, black eyes, 11yrs old. Quiet and often diffident personality, but very steady, not easily intimidated when threatened.
> 
> I keep trying to write 'Yasu' as 'Yusa'...le sigh.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama is _all_ out of 'give a damns'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts that contributed to this chapter:  
> From irritatedbookworm:  
> Hmm, maybe an overly tired/frustrated Tobirama loses his mind-to-mouth and/or 'good idea' filters and starts messing around with the Caged Bird seal?* 

Katsu refrains from pacing and settles for refraining from outright glaring at the Hyuuga patriarch while Yasu all but cowers behind him. To his surprise, Tobirama sensei chuckles darkly at the demand that has just been made. It’s a bit off of his usual behavior.

“Do you really think that I’d marry off my daughter-ward to a man she has no wish to marry?”

The Hyuuga gives Yasu a cursory glance. “I don’t see her objecting.”

“Really? Are you sure you’re a ninja?”

“I _beg_ your pardon!?”

“Saa, you probably should. Your clan allows its high opinion of itself to override common manners. I had to rescue Yasu from importunate Hyuuga youths who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer _six times_ within the first week. I think your son is only interested in her because he views her as a challenge for having turned down the others. I notice that you have yet to ask _Yasu_ her opinion on the matter.”

He has never _seen_ this mood before in Tobirama sensei, but something nags at his memory, something Madara-sama said.

The Hyuuga patriarch, Hiyuu, looks vastly offended by this, but also taken aback slightly that his clan has been apparently so rude. He barks out, “Well, girl, what is your opinion on the matter?”

Katsu sees Yasu’s hand lift beside him and knows without looking that she has chakra glowing faintly from the tips of her fingers in the shape of knife-like blades.

Tobirama sensei barely glances their way before a smile curls his lips that makes the hair on the back of Katsu’s neck prickle in alarm. “That’s a ‘no’, in case you missed it. Saa, really. Between the constant disregard the Hyuuga have shown for my student’s dislike of being crowded, particularly by men, and the fact that my other student is constantly being insulted to his face, I’m beginning to think that your clan has more interest in power plays than in the proposition that was offered in good faith. If that is the case, then I have no interest in allowing the Hyuuga to joi-”

Memory flashes, finally cooperating, and Katsu lunges and slaps a hand over his mouth before he can say something irretrievable. “Tobirama-sama, have you slept in the past week? I thought you said you had those sleep jutsus working right?”

Tobirama sensei looks thoughtful and peels Katsu’s hand off his face. “Saa, I might’ve forgotten to use them while working on the fertility jutsus.”

Katsu winces. That… _he really doesn’t want to know_. But it’s better than summoning the dead, right? Unfortunately, Konoha starting a feud with the Hyuuga isn’t any improvement in this instance. “I think, Hyuuga-sama, that perhaps we should take our leave. Tobirama-sama sensei will…um.”

“Have an extremely sharp tongue until I get some sleep.” Tobirama fills in helpfully. He doesn’t sound sorry about it at all.

_Okay then._

He takes a deep breath and adds, “And I’m afraid that, while Yasu and I _will_ stand guard while he does so, neither of us have felt very _safe_ in your hospitality. Perhaps you can send your decision with a messenger after you have had more time to study the proposal to join Konoha. Yasu…”

“Hai.” She agrees softly and leaves to retrieve their storage scrolls and other items from their room.

Hiyuu looks sour, but his advisors are a mix of offended and watchful. “I see. You are very protective of your sensei.”

“I really would like to avoid facing the combined wrath of Madara-sama and Hashirama-sama if they thought we neglected his health or safety, Hyuuga-sama.” Katsu informs him drily, well past the point of trying to be more politic than that. Tact is less prudent than extracting them from this situation. The lack of protest from their sensei tells him that they should _hurry, hurry, hurry_. If it makes him look like he’s _afraid_ of the Hyuuga, well, he can live with that. He’s _eleven_ ; he’s _allowed_ to retreat if there’s an honorable way to get away from superior numbers and more experienced foes.

Not that he’s actually _afraid_. He’s fairly certain the Hyuuga have no plans to start a _war_ with the combined forces of the Uchiha clan and the Senju clan by attempting to kill them. _But still_.

Hiyuu raises a brow slightly, then addresses Tobirama sensei again. “You create jutsus? Do you have skill with seals?”

“A fair bit.”

“Would you be able to make one to seal our dojutsu in case of attempted theft? Our clan has found it a concern at times.”

“No.” Tobirama sensei’s voice is harsh and flat. It’s obviously a refusal to create one, not an indication of an inability to do so.

“No?”

“The only seals regarding live biological matter are stasis/storage seals and slave seals. There is simply no other way to do it, and I will not be party to such. I think you will find that Konoha will also not tolerate such a practice.” A biting edge of rage lines his words. “If you find enslaving others preferable to-”

Katsu slaps a hand over his mouth again and tugs him to his feet urgently. “Right, we’re leaving now.” He gives Hiyuu a slight bow. “Hyuuga-sama.”

Fortunately, Tobirama sensei doesn’t resist as he tugs him out of the room, and Hyuuga-sama just watches without comment. If their sensei resisted, there’d be no way to move him, particularly with the temper he can feel still vibrating through him. Katsu’s pretty sure that Tobirama-sama deciding to slaughter the Hyuuga elders in a fit of temper is currently on the table, and far more likely than the Hyuuga trying to stop their retreat.

Yasu meets them in the hall, storage scrolls strapped to her hip. Knowing her, she probably just stuffed everything in without sorting them, but that’s a problem for later. They need to-

Tobirama sensei grasps both of their arms, startling them, and-

There is a split moment of topsy-turvy disorientation and _nothing, everything, nothing,_ and then they are in a clearing that he vaguely recognizes as being their last campsite before getting to the Hyuuga territory. He stumbles away as sensei releases his grip, fighting not to retch and succeeding. Yasu isn’t so lucky, she just drops to her knees and dry heaves for a bit.

“Hm. Looks like I need to fine-tune it for passengers.” Tobirama sensei says, not a whit of concern in his voice, mere interest. He crouches down and lights a small fire with the wood that Katsu doesn’t remember being placed there before they left the site nearly a month ago.

 _Whatever_. Katsu’s just glad that they’re far enough from the Hyuugas that they don’t need to worry immediately. Though _certain_ he doesn’t want to get involved in sensei’s jutsus again in an experimental stage. _Ugh!_

~

They’ve been gone a month and a half by the time they return. Tobirama ignores his students protests after getting some sleep and jumps them between campsites, picking up his special kunai as they go, since he has _no intention_ of returning in that direction. He relents at the last site and lets them recover and sleep, mostly because he’s feeling the chakra drain with the extra passengers dragging on the jutsu, which is really designed for one person, not three.

Katsu and Yasu are motivated enough to avoid a repeat of the Hiraishin that they reach home by late afternoon. There are sentinels, of course, so word gets sent ahead that they’re coming.

Madara’s beaming face as he greets them is…

Well, he very briefly wants to go back and kill some particularly annoying Hyuugas for keeping him away this long. _The bastards._ He doesn’t even bother slowing down and they end up a rolling tangle of limbs for a good twenty yards.

It’s quite obvious that his spouse doesn’t mind, even though he takes the brunt of the tumble and ends up underneath him when they finally roll to a stop, because his loud purr is vibrating through Tobirama’s body and the grin on his face is all kinds of pleased. _Uchihas are weird._

Not that he cares. He’s finally home and can relax. Burying his face against Madara’s shoulder, he lets the purr lull him while he listens to half an ear to what Madara is saying.

“Well, hello there! Wow! The Hyuugas must have been _really_ bad if you’re _this_ happy to see me, ne? Did they agree or have they decided to stick to their own territory? Oh! And I’ve got some good news. I’ve gotten three-”

Tobirama doesn’t hear the rest.

~

Madara breaks off mid-sentence as his husband abruptly goes lax against him in sleep. That’s… _unexpected._ Tobirama isn’t much for displays of vulnerability, particularly in public.

_Oh._

_Crap._

_Tobirama is going to kill him when he wakes up_.

He forgot the ‘no purring on him in public’ rule. Not that he thinks he can be truly _blamed_ for it, given his bondmate had been so glad to see him that he’d literally tackled him. Maybe his good news will be enough to forestall any murdering. _Hopefully_.

Yasu strolls up after a few minutes and gives them an amused look. “He’ll probably sleep a while. Apparently he forgot to sleep for most of the last week. Katsu kept him from starting a war with the Hyuuga bastards, but I’ll be shocked if they actually agree to the…whatever-” She makes a vague hand motion, apparently indicating the alliance offer. “After the things he said after their Clan leader tried to make my marriage to his second son a condition. I think Katsu’s better at this diplomacy thing than sensei.”

She giggles at his shocked expression and gives him a slightly mocking little wave. “I’m going to go eat a horse and sleep for a couple days. Sensei used that _horrible_ jumping jutsu to come back fast, and then we’ve been running since sunrise. Someone should probably check on Katsu. He pretty much just fell over when we got here. Shorter legs.”

Madara’s not sure which is more stunning. Yasu being garrulous and confident. Or that the Hyuugas are still apparently quite intact after Tobirama forgetting to sleep for a week and then irritating him. At least, he assumes so, given that Yasu hadn’t mentioned any hair raising jutsus being used before she walked off. Presumably, the ‘ _horrible_ jumping jutsu’ is the Hiraishin, although he was unaware that it can be used to transport more than one person at a time.

He really doesn’t understand this forgetting to sleep thing. Tobirama always sleeps fine with _him_. This coming back completely exhausted from diplomatic trips is getting to be a trend, and not one he likes. Even if Tobirama _is_ adorable when he’s snuggly tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Caged Bird seal is not in use at this point in history.  
> There probably _is_ a way to seal dojutsus without making it like the Caged Bird seal, but Tobirama is just working off of what he knows. He may have a fair bit of knowledge in his library, but even though the Senju and Uzumaki are related, it's not like he has access to the Uzumaki clan library. It would take advanced and specialized knowledge to come up with such a thing. He's also too pissed off by the question to even bother considering it.
> 
> Tobirama keeps an _‘emergencies’_ storage scroll on him habitually. It has things like dry tinder in it, medical supplies, trail rations, etc. The kids were too busy being nauseous to notice him taking out the wood and setting it up for a fire.
> 
> Head canon that the Hiraishin used for one person barely takes any chakra, and basically speedboats through time and space. With two passengers, since it’s not tailored properly, it works more like a speedboat dragging two anchors. A lot more strain on the ‘engine’; it requires a lot more chakra to power through. Also not _quite_ as fast or smooth, so the effect on the passengers is similar to the result of a plane hitting turbulence, or getting seasick. _Not_ pleasant. The poor kids basically hugged the ground until the world steadied out and then pretty much fell asleep on the spot.
> 
> They were gone longer than he expected, because Tobirama underestimated the amount of fussiness the Hyuugas could come up with.
> 
> A yard is a bit shorter than a meter, for anyone confused. Like…3 inches.


	12. Tobirama Wakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama wakes up, Kagami-version communication, Madara apologizes, Tobirama doesn't bother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff. If something needs explanation, point it out, I'll add a note.

Tobirama blinks muzzily and after a bit realizes that he’s home, and the ceiling looks familiar because this is the bedroom he shares with Madara. Huh. The last thing he remembers is…Madara’s beaming face, a flash of rage/kill at the Hyuugas for keeping him from it so long, and a sensation of blissful comfort.

_Well, that’s embarrassing._ He must’ve passed out and had to be carried here. Knowing Madara, this probably means he’s in for a week or two of doting fussing over his health.

He moves slightly, winces, and has to admit that he can probably stand a few days of it before it gets too annoying. Everything aches. Perhaps coming all the way home, straining through Hiraishin jumps with passengers, on three hours sleep after a week of none had been less than wise. _Then again_. Given how tired he’d been, there was a fair possibility of him liberally using kinjutsus if he’d sensed a Hyuuga anywhere near them. And, well, since he’d only been able to sleep three hours even _with_ the sleep jutsu he’d used, any sleep would’ve been broken at best. Overall, coming back as they did had been the best course. _Probably_.

The door creaks softly as someone pushes it open, and he only has time to see a head of curly black hair before there’s a squeal of delight, running feet, and the bed jounces. “Tobirama-sama! You’re awake!”

After a few blinks, he places the kid. “Ah, yes. Why are you here, Kagami?”

“Madara-sama said I should check on you and tell him if you woke up!” Kagami beams proudly. He bounces and…

_Ouch. Less movement would be better._

“Then maybe you should go inform him, ne?”

Kagami’s eyes widen. “Oh no! I forgot!”

He lurches off the bed and thunders off, leaving the door wide open.

Tobirama sighs. He gives it maybe ten minutes, tops, before he has an anxious husband hovering over him.

~

“Madara-sama! Madara-sama! Tobirama-sama woke up and said I should come tell you so you can see him!”

Madara suppresses a flinch at the boy’s happy words. _Of course_ he’s glad that his bondmate is awake finally, but that he’s asking to see him first thing is probably _not_ a good sign. “Thanks, Kagami. Why don’t you go see if your mother has something for you to do?”

“Aww.” Kagami’s face falls. “Okay.” Then he perks up. “I can tell her how good a job I did for you!”

“Yes, indeed.” Madara agrees, amused. _Kids._

He takes his time walking to his bedroom, _their bedroom,_ reluctant to face his no doubt angry and vengeful bondmate over the accidental purring on in public thing. When he sees the door gaping open, he winces. _Oh great._ Tobirama is not one to idly leave things ‘untidy’ without reason. So either he’s still too tired to move and thus has been seething over Kagami leaving the door open in the time since the boy departed…or he’s so angry that it’s been left open as an ominous statement.

Taking a deep breath, he slinks into the room warily.

Tobirama turns his head and gives him a curious look. “Madara? Is there a reason you look that guilty?”

Cringing reflexively, he blurts, “I’m sorry about the purring on you in public thing! I didn’t mean to. I was just so happy to see you and I wasn’t thinking and…” He swallows and makes the effort required to not avert his gaze.

To his surprise, Tobirama looks blank, rather than angry. Then huffs in something like amusement. “I don’t remember. I probably would’ve just passed out even if you hadn’t been purring. Seems I’ve gotten rather used to sleeping with you and sleep rather poorly when we’re apart.”

Madara blinks at him in surprise. “Really?”

“Given how sore I am at the moment? I’d say there’s a very small possibility of that being wrong.”

“Wha-? No. I mean the sleeping thing. Is that-?”

Tobirama gives him a look like he doubts his intelligence. “I’m sure my students have informed you about that before now.”

“Uh…no? I mean, they haven’t. Just that you didn’t sleep for a week and almost started a war with the Hyuuga over them demanding Yasu’s hand in marriage. Yasu suggested sending Katsu instead of you next time.”

Tobirama snorts. “Well, he did keep me from entirely closing down negotiations, but don’t be surprised if those arrogant snobs send a refusal or just don’t answer. Katsu has amazingly good control of his temper. They were rude to him the entire time and crowded Yasu constantly despite being warned off multiple times by all three of us.”

Madara straightens, eyes narrowing. “And how did they treat you?”

“Oh, they were perfectly polite other than testing my patience with their dithering opinions on the alliance offer and being inconsiderate of my students. Right up until they decided that I was just going to take what they offered at any cost and first asked for Yasu, then for me to come up with some seal for their dojutsu, which, if you don’t know anything about such seals, would be the equivalent of a slave seal, so of course I flatly refused. The fact that they even had the gall to mention it makes me think we should put a provision against the use of such seals within Konoha as a precaution.”

“Consider it done.” _If Tobirama, who sees little to nothing wrong with bringing back the dead to fight, thinks allowing such things is a threat, then he has **no doubt** that it is, indeed, a threat to Konoha and its dream of peace._ “I’ll send word to Hashirama and the other Clan heads who’ve agreed to join us.”

The smile he gets in return…well, he has to remind his heart to start beating again when he starts to get lightheaded.

“Speaking with them was largely a waste of time, but I did manage to come up with several sleep jutsus of varying potency while we were there. And a couple variations of the fertility jutsus you requested, although I need to review them before I’d be willing to use them on anyone not an enemy.” Tobirama tells him in a lighter tone.

“Er…yes. Take all the time you need to review them first, please.” _He’d rather avoid ‘fertility jutsus’ being classed as ‘scary jutsus’, thank you very much!_

Tobirama gives him an amused look, obviously following the direction of his thoughts based on his expression, and pats the bed. “Speaking of fertility, have you had any luck in that regard?”

Madara obediently comes over and sits down beside him. “Yes. You fell asleep while I was trying to tell you. I’ve gotten three women pregnant. As you bade. I did try for more, but…I don’t want to try again.”

A hand flashes up, tangles in his hair and yanks him down. He lands on Tobirama with a yelp. “Ow! What was that for!?”

Tobirama wriggles a bit, then sighs happily. “There, that’s better. Three you said? Good. I’m proud of you. We can get Anija to fuss over them and make sure the babes are healthy. Because next time I go on a month-long mission, I’m taking my Madara-blanket with me.”

_Blanket!_

Madara sputters a little at being reduced to the level of a piece of bedding, then gives up and decides to just be happy that his mate is pleased with him instead of angry, and doesn’t want to be separated for weeks at a time either.

_If Tobirama wants to spend a few hours snuggling, that’s entirely fine with him._


End file.
